okay, i'm clean now. i'm not matchin for shit...tha shirt i was goin to wear had some holes in it (i forgot 'bout 'em) so i had to throw on one of my mama's tees. we're supposed to b goin somewhere and i thought 'bout drivin home to change my shirt but i don't think i'll make it.

i'ma say this again, allergies suck azz. i've got a headache, my ears r plugged up, and i can't breathe. i was instructed by a friend to take my butt to tha store (in my non-matchin outfit) and buy some drugs. tha thing is, i hate takin medicine. r there any herbal remedies to cure what ails me? i'd rather drink tea than pop a pill.

a massage would b nice. *sigh*

i'm so fuckin tired.
my head feels like a balloon and i can't stop sneezin. allergies suck azz.

@ my parents' crib right now. chillin in my kaftan-scarf on head-and eyeboogers rest in tha corners of my eyes...i'm lookin hella beautious no doubt (lol!). spent tha nite/mornin here after kickin it w/ jaz and buttafly collar boy (and it was tha onlee way babygirl could stay tha nite). jaz's movin date is quickly approachin and we've been helpin her pack. as usual we were there all day and all nite. her crib is like my second home. there's so much creative energy in tha joint, it oozes out tha front door (no lie). she may get an urge to make sumthin and i can walk outta there w/ an outfit (same goes for me....she could have a hat/bag/whateva). but last nite, buttafly collar boy and i got a special treat. sistagirl had made a "hair tea" for our locks. that first spray had me screamin (w/ joy---b/fly collar boy was screamin too). i neva knew my head/hair could feel so damn good (if i get tha urge to herbal, i'll giver her a call hehe). then she oiled my locks w/ olive oil....my hair looks happy.

i came home 'round 530am...crashed on tha couch (didn't wanna mess up tha guest bedroom). now i'm up (barely)...lookin oh so attractive in my kaftan-scarf on my head-and eyeboogers chillin in tha corners of my eyes.

today's activities were goin to include a walk in tha sunshine, but tha sun doesn't wanna b seen right now. it's cloudy and cold. i was supposed to shop for my trip too, but all i wanna do is sleep (moms won't allow that).

well, i gotta lively up myself b4 tha fussin begins.

lata.

my weekend begins in 3 minutes.
my nite will b exciting....i'll b grocery shoppin w/ moms and washin clothes lata in tha evenin. that just oozes excitement, doesn't it?

peace love and soul grease ppls.

--butta.fly out--

lil black girl
rode in splendor
big backseat
beige leather interior...

lil brotha and she
played footsies in tha back window
sometimes he slept
while she stared @ tha nite sky in wonder...

this piece does not want to get finished. i'm tryin my best not to get frustrated, but frustration is slowly creepin in. do u eva get so excited 'bout sumthin, u just want to see/hear/finish it right then? well, that's me right now (and for tha last 4 months).
:::
umi says shine yo lite on tha world. shine yo lite for tha world to see-->d mighty mos def

ceedees i'm patiently waitin for:
bilal-->it's been long enuff....really sweetie
saul-->i've been feenin since tha release of she
maxwell-->lover, i still haven't received my email notification. w'sup?

have u heard? india will b on john mellencamp's new album! YAY!!! *soul clap*

don't b a fuck up artist ~my girl jaz

i don't like messin up @ work. this morn, i managed to send three emails to this guy. after sendin tha first, i checked my sent log and it wasn't showin. our email has been trippin lately so, i resent it. but b4 sendin tha second email, i noticed i left in tha previous invoice amount (i'm tha cut n paste queen). so feelin really dumb, i send tha 2nd email w/ tha correct amount. i check tha sent log again...not there. then it hits me...i had to scroll up on tha log *homer DOH! goes here*. embarrassed, i send tha man a third email statin PLEASE DISREGARD FIRST EMAIL.

thank god i'm off tomorrow. i need a few days to get my head straight.

corporations eat weary souls so i have to eat my wheaties. © unsinkable brown

i'm feelin this right now.

more trees/oxygen gone
i feel like i've been talkin 'bout this a lot but....tha trees r burnin. some of alaska's wilderness is on fire. tha gubment started a "controlled burn" and now it's gotten outta control. i'm sad. it coulda been prevented. ppl's lives/homes/businesses r @ stake. tha sky is missin it's blue and tha mountains r covered in a haze.

i get irritated when i see trees cut down to make room for these new matchbox houses that r bein thrown togetha. now this. senseless burnin. we've had unsually dry conditions this year and they (tha gubment) decide to burn up some trees. when i was little, i rememba tha fire dept comin to my school and tellin tha kids, "don't play wit fire." smokey tha bear used to b on tha boob tube (where he beez anywayz?) sayin, "onlee u can prevent forest fires." tha gubment should take heed to that statement....ya think?

elaminate=laminate

damn. i went to school...really. i b lernt gud.

jodee jodee jodee

i drew a picture today and i'm quite fond of it. after finishin it i sat back, looked it over and thought, "damn, i do have some artistic ability." i've grown up in between 2 siblings who r madd artistic (as far as drawing is concerned). my sista is outta this world (u're my crochet guru...didn't know that huh?). she can do e'rything paint/draw/crochet/knit (she writes too). my bro has always had a pen/pencil/marker in hand and is currently pursuin his dream of bein an animator (well, he is one).

so when i get home, i'm goin to color my picture, elaminate it and hang it on my wall.

tae bo: day 2
i was able to do 3 more round house kicks. but durin tha speed bag workout (double time) i found myself yawnin. exercise is not for me i tell ya.

iced mochas r yummy.
i forgot how good they were.
tha onlee problem: i drink them too fast.
my lips become glued to tha straw.

i could hear tha pain in his voice. i know in my heart his feelins r true. all tha negative bullshit that came along in our relationship was just that...bullshit. so y can’t i open my heart and love him again? i’m tired of hurtin. i’m tired of takin chances w/ my heart onlee to get hurt again. (am i not as forgiving as i thought i was?)

if this were a perfect world, he would forget about me and move on w/ his life. he’d let me disappear into tha darkness, neva to return. but this isn’t a perfect world and it definitely ain’t burger king (i can’t have it my way).

i’m not thinkin ‘bout it anymore.

men stink.

my ex just called me. i didn't like tha tone of his "w'sup". y call if u're in a funky mood? he's probably still pissed cuz i cut our last convo short. i do that when i don't wanna hear tha iluvyoos and tha remembawhens. sometimes it hurts too much.

he doesn't get it.

look what i found: melissa's website. u know who she is...she’s tha lil crazy girl from real world new orleans. she's sellin her artwork (yay!). i thought her paintings were so cute, now i can buy them (woohoo!!).

:::

after comin home from work, i had a rare enocunter w/ my neighbors. see, i live in a 4-plex and usually keep to myself. i'm not anti-social, i just mind my bizness. anyway, they shared all sorts of personal information w/ me. wheneva i’m ‘round ppl like that (usually strangers who strike up conversation w/ me in grocery store check-out lines, my doctor's office, gas station, airport, etc.) it makes me wonder y they feel they can share their deepest darkest secrets w/ me. it makes me feel uncomfortable. so there they were, my neighbors, talkin 'bout whateva while i sat in my doorway listenin (i was actually thinkin 'bout how tired and hungry i was). their energies were too much for me...i was worn out just from listenin to them. when i finally said goodbye and shut my door, i burned some frank n myrrh 'cense to calm myself down.

:::

i decided to exercise. get my mind body and spirit healthy. i managed to pull out my tae bo tape (basic, i aint tryin to kill myself....almost did tho') and do a lil sweatin. sweat poured outta my body within tha first 5 min. (and that was just tha stretching part) bein outta shape sucks azz. it really does. i will neva join a gym bcuz i'm too insecure to b in there w/ "fit" ppl lookin @ my not-so-toned self attemptin to do one front kick. i would rather b in tha privacy of my own home, where tha onlee eyes watchin me would b from my parakeets and my fish.

i'm proud tho'. i did most of billy's workout. y do ur azz and legs have to burn so damn much? that right there makes me wanna say "fuck it. i'm thru." but i know if i wanna get my butt into this funkyfresh dress i gotta do it.

okay, i'm sleepy now.
father time is movin like molasses.
i think i'ma break out early.
i gotta pick up tha lil one and cook dinner (i really don't feel like cookin).
i may get a movie....castaway?

buttafly'z goin to bed early tonite.
i really can't handle bein a nite owl (uh oh, i'm gettin old).

cookie monster got his azz beat.

all of a sudden my tuna sammich doesn't look appetizing.
i caught a sale @ old navy....that's always nice.

tha godis nekaybaaw gave me a trip thru memory lane. what inspired it? jermaine "we don't have to take our clothes off" stewart. i won't go any further into it. i may embarrass my.self.

song of tha day: pump up tha jam-technotronic

it's been ridiculously hot in alaska lately.
i'm not complainin, i actually enjoy it.

this weekends activities consisted of my mama's fried catfish, buildin w/ friends, enjoyin my child, receivin ramen noodles, and listenin to a thunderstorm.

thunderstorms r unusual in this place. i get excited when i hear tha sky rumble. all it does is remind me of tha summer storms in atlanta.

i miss that place. (36 more days--woohoo!!)

did ya know...
tha geto boyz landed a spot on vh1's 100 most shockin moments in rock n roll?

regarding pootie tang...
is he pootie or is he tang?
is he mr. tang or is he sir tang?
is he tangy or is he tangalangadingdong? lol

sa da tay!

atlantis is a beautiful film.
and eddie murphy is lookin old.

tonite i'm goin to pamper myself.
maybe then, will this funk i've been in all day leave me.

tha smell of corn chips r irritatin me. tha crunchin and munchin is hittin me from both sides. this is definitely a moment where i wish i had my own walls, ceiling, and door. i'd shut tha corporate world out for a moment and b happy w/ tha silence.

:::

i've worn my flower child sandals out. 6 weeks and they're already busted.
damn. guess i should've spent tha 100 bucks on those doc martens i saw at nordy's.
at least i know they'll last.

:::

this would look nice on me.

today is one day that i do not wanna b in tha office. i almost called in, but my conscience got tha best of me.
so i'm here. miles' trumpet is comfortin me and all i can think about is my bed. my comfortable bed.

i wanna crochet. i need to crochet. if i don't, i won't make any money. got orders to fill.
latyrx will b @ tha solstice fest along w/ some otha djs. so that should b fun.

i'm puttin this out into tha universe.....
abstract tribe unique will make it to anchorage one day.

my mozarella and tomato sammich was good
but now i got tha dragon
and there's no gum to b found.

damn.

words r sexy says she. and ya know what? i have to agree. kwazilla-dilla got me opin. he got me fienin again (look below) for a pad and pencil.

damn i wanna spit
words in unfathomable situations
cross stitch syllables into the kente cloth
of existence <---dopeness right there
but i don't think yall hear me © unsinkable brown

i hear u baby...i hear u!!!

in otha news...
i've decided on a business name and found tha code that my biz would fall under. tha onlee thing left to do is write tha check so they can send me that piece of paper.

.werd.

there's a time for every star~nikka costa

fiend for fashion
i'm gettin tha itch again. mtv's fashionably loud is on and i'm beginnin to feel creative. where's tha pad and pencil when i need it? a sista needs to design/sketch/sew some thangs.

[sometimes]
i lie in bed in tha semi-darkness & stare @ tha ceilin. one lock between two fingas twist away while i wonder what it would b like ::to fly thru space::

i would bathe in tha big dipper & drink from tha lil one. i would eat what tha milky way has to offer too. i'd kick it w/ orion & get re.acquainted w/ my ancestors d stars.

:::

i'm a galaxy girl
livin in a surreal world

wakin up now
wtf was up w/ tha real world 10th anniversary special?
i don't care 'bout tha top 5 RW moments.
i don't care 'bout tha photo shoot.
i was hopin to find out what e'rybody was doin now.
so...
--->rachel and sean r still married and plannin to have their 2nd child (yay!)
--->and puck is still an azzhole (i've grown to like him over tha years)
--->pam and judd r gettin married (yay)
--->neil has a child (who woulda thunk it?)

okay okay okay....but what 'bout tha othas?
a few ppl came that have neva been on any otha reunion show
like andre-ny for instance. damn, he's tha onlee one i can think of.

ppl dan and cynthia shoulda been talkin to:
lars-london
tha black girl (can't rememba her name)-london
kaya-hawaii
mike-london
amaya-hawaii
norm-ny
andre-ny...i know tha RW ruined his life, but what's he doin now?
jaime-new orleans
m@-new orleans
...just to name a few.

all of tha reunion specials have left me unsatisfied...but this one really frustrated tha hell outta me. can u tell i'm hooked on tha show?

june 26th tha new season starts....yay!

...patiently waitin for OZ to begin...

can i b awake one mornin outta tha week?
my left eye feels smaller than my right one.
it itches too.

allergies r tha devil.

superficial ppl
exist
on tha www
y didnt i see it b4
(neva really paid attention to it)
cyber mack daddies
r knockin @ my door
all bcuz of this beautiful woman


::amel larrieux::
they think i'm her
aint that some shit

today i got a business license application. i'm excited. proud. i've been makin excuses for too long. today is tha beginnin of my future. let's see how far i can go w/ this passion of mine.

damn, where have i been?
took a brief hiatus to enjoy tha sunshine.
i managed to get some color, hang out w/ beautiful ppl (not physical beauty, but mental) and get my dance on.
i realized that no matter how hard i try i cannot hide how i feel about b/fly collar boy.
my skin is clearin up (oatmeal soap does wonders).
butta.fly crocheted wears will do some travellin.

today is a new day and i'm luvin e'ry minute of it.

meditation tip of tha day...

Do not dwell on what is past and what is to come, but live in the world of the present. One has to always understand the "now" and perceive all the wonderful things.

Tsai Chih

---i like this one---

wonderful things of tha day.....

my bk fries (they really do taste betta)
my 'puter hasn't crashed
mz e.badu soothes
i haven't bitten a nail ( i took a vow to let them grow....'memba?)
tha sun is shinin...

buggin out buggin out buggin out we buggin out....listenin to tribe called quest.

last nite, i bought beads!! y all tha excitement? i will b incorporatin beads into my crocheted merchandise. i saw a picture of common (my main source of inspiration) rockin a kufi w/ wooden beads in it....whew lawd i went nuts! just let me spend a week w/ tha person that makes his hats (i heard it was his mama).

buttafly needs a crochet guru! no of any?

tonite's events...

hittin up tha thrift store for some butta wears
finishin up some crochet projects....atlanta look out, i'm bringin my merchandise w/ me.

today, i'm wearin a short skirt. not "all up my ass" short, just knee length short. see, i stopped wearin short skirts 5 years ago. at tha time a lot of tha dresses and skirts were made long, so i began wearin them. that's tha same time i began wrappin my head too. folks out here were thinkin i was muslim (figures) cuz i wasn't showin my flesh.

so this new day arrives and buttafly decides to show her yellow legs. yes, i said yellow. my poor legs haven't had any sun in 5 yrs. my coworkers r buggin out. i've worked here for 2 of those 5 years and this is tha first time they've seen me in sumthin short. first thing this morn "tha fashion police" (i gave him this name cuz he's always commentin on my outfits) said i looked "slimmer" in my outfit. coworker m (among othas) asked if i went on a job interview...i don't know where that came from.

all i know is, they betta not get used to it. long is betta...for me.

i was bored, so i made this...

.

just when i get him outta my mind
buttafly collar boy calls me.
just to say hello, checkin on me, etc.
i like that.
he's tha onlee one to call me by my pen name...lady butta.fly.
i luv it.
sends chills down my spine
and puts a smile on my face.

will i really b able to have a real friendship w/ this man? i'm feelin too much.
:::
lady ell wants to lick tha clit. i'm not feelin that at all. i've neva had a woman b attracted to me b4. i can't help but wonder what she sees in me. is it physical/mental/both? i don't know.

i gotta tell her how i feel b4 thangs get outta hand.

caffeine is bad.
:::
i think i'm ready to let b/fly collar boy go.
he will always b beautious.
he will always b dope as hell.
he will always b my friend.
he's just not all shiny and brand new anymore.

it's betta this way.

my hands won't stop itchin.
i've heard folks say that when ur left hand itches, money's comin via snail mail..if ur right itches, somebody will b givin it to u. now i may have tha "hands" mixed up cuz i can neva rememba that shit.

anyway, i'm expectin a lot of money.

nail biting is tha devil

today i vow to stop biting my nails (takin finger outta my mouth...now). i often wonder how i developed this bad habit. i read somewhere it's hereditary. my parents don't bite their nails so where did i get it from. babygirl bites hers...i'm to blame for that. it's so bad, we could b in tha car or sittin on tha couch, in a daze bitin tha same nail.

i've stopped many times. i've had long fingernails many times. although they're pretty and i am actually able to scratch an itch, i revert to my old habit. y? could it b stress? and if it is, how do i de-stress myself? even when i think i am stress-free, i still manage to chew a nail or two.

is there some sorta group i can go to? n b a: nail biters anonymous maybe?

day of tha sun

y is it always a lazy day?

friday nite i went out w/ an ex. we were together years ago. it was nice, but strange. during our outting i spent tha whole time tryin to remember how we met, what i saw in him, y we broke up...i think i looked confused in between uncomfortable smiles. he's cool ppls, but we've gone in different directions. i know there won't b a re.union of sorts. so when tha evening came to an end, we talked a lil. he said i'm really different now. i know i am. i'm not tha naive needy lil girl he knew way back when.

i'm feelin beautiful...

listenin to tha roots live version of silent treatment.
my eyes r closed.
my head's noddin.
i'm smilin.

music is...shit, music just is.

45 minutes 'til my weekend starts.
tonite a movie w/ an ex (i pray all goes well)
tomorrow...baby shower and FOOD
saturday market and a walk in tha sunshine.

love is tha onlee way to live~my sis

i gotta learn how to forgive.
let go of all tha pain/anger/hurt
so i can

live.

my need to create has returned. i was gettin worried for a sec. most days i cannot function without havin a crochet hook in my hand and for a lil while that urge had left me. now i'm feelin good 'bout what it is i wanna do (my aunts told me this was my ticket).

i've been lookin at my old works and i can see my progress. my style has evolved. my speed has increased. ideas flood my brain all day long, so i can't go anywhere but up.

...i'm an artist. 'bout time i realized...

raindrops
bounce
off my skin
and i smile

meditation tip of tha day...

A simple criterion should be remembered: whatever feels good for you - blissful, peaceful, spontaneous,
happening on its own accord - that is your path.

Osho

craptacular...i'm luvin this word.
i saw this word on somebody's website and fell out.
i will use this word daily.
...
i luv my mama's laugh.

gotta pay rent.

that really sucks. anytime i have to give somebody else my money, i cringe. some days i wish i could b a child again.
shit, some days i wish i could just b an adult and b bill free.

a girl can dream.

i'm lovin these "fresh blogs"...

fatgirlonadiet
junketta

i wonder if ppl look @ my page as much as i look @ theirs....

racq is so beautious.

i hope we get to meet one day.

song of tha day
sky fits heaven--madonna

i was on my way out tha door this morn and thought 'bout this book....nikki giovanni's black feeling black talk black judgement. i first saw it at tha library and eventually bought my own copy. y do i like it so much? it reflects tha revolutionary times of tha 60's and 70's.

one of my faves out tha book.....
word poem
(perhaps worth considering)

as things be/come
let's destroy
then we can destroy
what we be/come
let's build
what we become
when we dream

this morn babygirl asked me who her first teacher was.
i named her kindegarten teacher.
she looked at me so sweetly and said, "no, u were my first teacher."

oh, duh...i thought to myself.
...
it's about to rain.
i smell it.
...
i did not ask for tha anal probe-some woman in passion fish.
i liked this movie. any flick w/ alfre woodard is cool.
...
unsinkable, tha diary is fixed. go see.
...
58 days 'til i reach hotlanta.

oh oh oh...

sex and tha city's 4th season began last nite. is it me or were tha 2 new episodes lackin sumthin? poor carrie, i knew she was goin to bust her ass on tha runway. tall shoes + alcohol=disaster! she and mister bigg need to stop bullshittin and get back togetha.

my girl jaz is finally takin that step to get outta here.
i'm happy for her and saddened at tha same time.
when she told me she had bought her plane ticket, a lil voice inside said "take me w/ u".
i'm ready to go. am i really? i know e'rything has its place and time.
a lil voice inside says now isn't my time.
i've always been a "i want it now" type of person. so at this moment i'm workin on bein patient. patience is a virtue right? (i neva fully understood that sayin until now).

when tha time is right, we'll meet again...
...in tha dirty south somewhere

time seems to b draggin.
workin hard to maintain my focus.
thinkin 'bout goals and if i have any "solid" ones.
how many times can a person belch out loud w/o excusin herself (coworker m) ?
roy ayers is groovy.
i luv trees.

and my belly is empty.

i can't help but think about b/fly collar boy
spendin time w/ him and jaz was beautiful.
he always looks @ me like he has sumthin to say, but decides to keep it to himself.
he says i look @ him tha same way.

i dig his style.
it's a matter of "wrong place @ tha wrong time"
maybe tha place is right, but tha time IS wrong...can that b?

patchouli and amber scent my skin
my toenails r bare
and my head is wrapped.

i'm ready to conquer tha world.

maybe i'll get lucky and see him.

06.01.01
friday-my day off

it was perfect. tha sun was shinin--IT WAS HOT--and i was just rollin. that's one of my favorite things to do. drive 'round town w/ tha windows down and tha music blastin. got ahold of a friend of mine. met up @ tha mall, ate some good food, and talked. 6 o clock came and we picked up our chilren and went back to her house. our boy came thru also...we watched some tv and talked some more. i luv bein 'round creative ppl. e'ryone of my friends has their own niche. jaz makes clothing, buttafly collar boy is a poet/emcee. me, well, crochetin is my thang. i write too, but creating crocheted apparel/accessories has become my luv.

we don't get togetha often, but when we do it's a blessing. we always come togetha when i'm feelin a lil down or confused. after spendin time w/ them, i feel betta. i get some insight to whateva is buggin me w/o even speakin on it. i love them. they r beautiful spirits and i'm happy we're in each otha's lives.

06.02.01
man oh man!
me and babygirl
spent tha whole day
in tha sun.
we went downtown
to tha saturday market
walked 'round 4th ave,
bought some trinkets
and then met up
w/ some friends
at a park.
tha day was luvlee.
it was so dope that
i had to ask myself
wtf have i been doin all this time?
i've been sleepin on a lot
of things.

not anymore.