.technicolor dream cycles.

my dreams exist
somewhere between
sky & sea
they like to stay w/ me
all hours of tha day
i live in technicolor dream cycles
gettin my boogie on w/ diana ross
mahogany style
she lets me wear her rainbow dress
when she isn't lookin
i kidnap billy dee
maybe lick him from head to toe
and make her jealous
gin will make u sin
didntya know?
sometimes i see
myself flyin thru space
bathin in tha big dipper
and drinkin from tha lil one
eatin what tha milky way has to offer too
i kick it w/ my boy orion
and get re.acquainted
w/ my ancestors d stars
when i'm tired
i find a place
that has purple sands and crystal moons
tha sea tastes like kool.aid
(red, of course)
and tha clouds, cotton candy
tha wind smells like frankincense
and tha rain cleanses
all negativity w/ each drop
flowers grow from my hair
saturn's rings find a place on my fingas
bob marley wakes from tha dead on my birthday
singin sweet songs to me and onlee me
my dreams exist
somewhere between
sky & sea
& these technicolor dream cycles
live deep within

b careful what u ask for
cuz tha universe will provide.

tha show was awesome. it couldn't have gone any smoother. madd folks came to support. it was so packed, folks were sittin on tha floor. i didn't read...wasn't feelin it. but i am goin to read @ our show next month. it's sumthin i have to do. c did her thang as usual. wiz did her thang as well. we're all anticipating tha next show. i'm goin to set up a table and sell my wears. each poet will wear sumthin of mine during tha show, so it'll kinda b like a mini fashion show as well.

can't wait can't wait can't wait.

tha day was luvlee! spring has finally reached ak. kids r out ridin their bikes. brothas r washin tha rides. i drove w/ my window down. woohoo! wiz and i went to tha thrift store to find some outfits for tomorrow's show. i found this dope lounger. it's rosy pink w/ big white hawaiian type flowers on it. wiz says i can't wear it w/ black pants. watch me. ha! i tried it on just now and babygirl just turned up her nose and said, "um mom, sometimes ur clothes r really funky." haha! i was makin a hat/bag set, but tha pink is darker than tha shirt. i was goin to try and pull it off but it's not happenin. i gotta make sumthin tho. i'll look hella crazy carryin my big red/gold/green/black bag. too many colors goin on there.

calgon take me away.

tha piece still isn't finished. i kinda don't wanna do it anymore. if i don't finish it, i'll find sumthin else. *frown* oh well. i've gotta make wiz's hat b4 i go to bed.

goodnite great ppl.

my bro sent babygirl tha coolest wizard of oz pop up book. i wish they made pop.ups like this when i was a child. i took a pic w/ me wearin tha emerald city spectacles --so everything will look green :o)- pic soon come. oh, babygirl came home w/ a skateboard. i think that's cool. she said it's already gotten scratched up...she aint happy about it. i asked if her father had gotten on it. she said no and i'm surprised. in highschool her dad was always skatin or doin kamikaze mountain bike tricks. so anywayz, i'm goin to see if she actually uses this thing. her pops spent a pretty penny on it.

i gotta make some grub b4 miss girl comes outta her room w/ that 'u need to do ur job' look on her face. ha!

tha slam was, um eh...aight. my spinach/eggplant dish was scrumptious tho.

miscellaneous flux has been on rotation all damn day. i called bfly collar boy and told him he had to listen to these dudes. i know he will fully appreciate this work of art. dontcha hate it when u're really enthusiastic 'bout sumthin and then u tell somebody 'bout it and that person doesn't share ur enthusiasm. that sucks. my sis does that to me all of tha time. now, i've gotten to tha point where i'll let her or whoeva know how much that sucks. i mean, i'm openin my heart to u...lettin u in on sumthin that makes me happy and all u can say -w/ lack of interest- is "oh, yea, okay". *frown* i don't like bein brushed off. do u?

babygirl comes home tonite. i get to squeeze her up and smother her in kisses. tha sun has been settin 'round 10pm. i like havin extra daylite. so much betta than havin almost none.

i'm goin to do it.

i'm goin to do a piece in tha open mic portion of our show. gotta face my fears. gotta write sumthin. gotta stop makin excuses. gotta stop makin things much harder than they r. wheneva i've written a piece, it's come from some burnin feelin in my belly. i get an urge to pick up tha pen. it's been so long since i've had that feeling. i'm realizing that if writing is sumthin i really wanna do, then i gotta put work into it...like my otha craft.

there's a slam tonite. thinkin 'bout goin. i should go. may get some kind of inspiration. i've got hats to make. bags to sew. 3 more days 'til speak easy is in effect. i hope there's a big turnout. gotta speak up more.

speak my truths. share my thoughts. opinions.

a cutesy piece
his brite smile
greets me as i wake
synergistic
simplistic
sun.er.gie
is what i need
bathe my skin
my melanin
so i can glow
like tha moon.

:::

summer needs to hurry up and come, dontcha think?

today is secretary's day, so my office took our secretary out for lunch. it's funny. she's a vegetarian who luvs goin tha lonestar steakhouse. that's where we went. and tha food sucked. i fell off tha vegetarian wagon and got a chicken sandwich. tha chicken was too dry and tha cheese wasn't melted completely and looked hard/fake around tha edges. yuck.

i wanna b @ home. my big comfy couch awaits. it's sunny in tha evening now. tha sunlite comes thru my kitchen window. i luv it. i think that's what sold me on tha apt. i get so much lite in tha place. kinda funny since i've always like being in tha dark. go figure.

i dream in color
me and my bro r in a club. it's latin. everyone is dancing. there r these two really tall white girls walkin 'round w/ a potted plant. their hair looks like a rainbow. my friend kenny is there. he pulls me out on tha dance floor. i feel like a dork bcuz my rhythm is off. i go and sit down w/ my bro. tha white girls had to leave for a moment. they ask us to watch their plant. we say yes. cc & i start discussing how we r goin to take care of it. we have to prove to tha girls we've done our job. then i hear a voice. seated on tha floor next to me is drew barrymore. she wants to take a picture w/ us. we pose, still seated. tha flash goes off and POOF! tha picture is taken. when i look down @ tha camera i see it has turned into a polaroid i-zone etch n sketch. drew pulls out tha sticker/picture and it's a picture of her hand.

wiz: who doesn't have call waiting these days?!?!?
wiz: that's like not having cable
fly: i know one person
wiz: who do you live
fly: lol...true
wiz: oops i meant how
wiz: how do you live
fly: who do u luv (c) ll cool j
fly: lol
wiz: don't you hate it when a typo makes a completely different word
fly: eya
wiz: how bazzar is that
fly: eya=yea
fly: get it?
wiz: oh see
fly: lmao
fly: i'm in a goofy mood all of a sudden
wiz: you trippin
wiz: joe clare style
fly: eya eya uh oh -nelly stylee!
wiz: i can't even comment on that one
fly: lol
wiz: i'm just shakin my head at the screen
fly: lol
wiz: you need to stop laughing b4 you get fired
fly: i'm laughin on tha inside

crave.joi
that song makes me wanna do thangs. sexual chocolate! umph umph umph good gawdahmightay!

i'm buggin. my tummy's grumbly. i think it's bcuz i have a poem (or two) in my belly. bfly collar boy says i shoulda been on stage a long time ago. he doesn't understand y i don't perform. cuz a sista's scurred. shit. i told myself i would do a piece @ tha show. that's onlee if i can get my piece togetha. and then i will onlee get up after i've had a few drinks. i'll probably wear one of my caps pulled down over my eyes to hide tha audience.

p got some new baby tees in. they're groovy. show my brotha some luv...he's got some dope stuff on his site.

aaliyah is puttin me to sleep. it's reggae time. yes indeed! i may irritate a few coworkers. oh well. fuckas.

sleep is callin
w/ tha help of e, we figured out how to download music from kazaa. a whole new world has been opened up to me. i'm goin to b like kwas and have a million songs -okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but he has a lot. lol.

i had my talk w/ bfly collar boy. we really didn't speak on his girl. i mean what can b said? i don't like her, she don't like me. i did share my feelins 'bout him and how i regret some of tha things that've happened between us. it's all good tho'. he says there r certain things that i do, that bring on tha nah-noo nah-noo vibes (mork and mindy stylee!). lol. he's not allowed to smell my neck anymore...in public. ha! i can't give that up completely man.

one day...

last nite i dreamt i was in canada. i drove @ nite by myself. went to a party. aj from bet's 106 & park was there. i asked him what tha deal was w/ his hair. haha! then i drove home in tha darkness. it was cold and gas was $1.70/gal. damn.

tha nite b4 i dreamt 'bout my ex.lover. tha whole dream consisted of me cursin him out. i'm waitin for that dream to become reality.

i told myself that i'd leave him alone. but everytime i see him out and he's rockin those oh so fresh polyester blazers i can't help but smile and allow his smile to melt my heart. butta.fly collar boy is dopeness. there's so much lite in his eyes, i can't stop lookin @ him. he's tha onlee man i know that likes to smell my neck. that drives me wild. he was @ tha meeting tonite. when it was over, i had to ask...i had to ask what he saw in that bucketheaded broad he's been datin for over a year. i wasn't goin to ask, but it's been eatin away @ me. we talked briefly...he stumbled and stuttered while i looked @ him w/ my eyes all big givin him that 'come w/ it mofo' look. i still don't really know and may neva know. but there's sumthin between him and i. he knows it and i know it. so how come he can't leave her alone -especially when she aggravates him 99.9% of tha time-? hopefully, we'll get to speak on it further. so much needs to b said and i aint sugacoatin nuttin.

my day has started off lovely. i've burned up two pots of grits. where's my head @ today? tha sun is shinin and tha wind has subsided. i wanna listen to some reggae and dance like i've neva danced b4. tonite, i'm hangin w/ wiz and we're meetin up w/ tha poets in our show. that means i get to drink a lil and eat some really good food. lookin forward to it.

thoughts
tha wind has blown for three days. tha weather here -like everywhere else- has been unusual this time of year. i like it when tha wind blows like this tho. it's hard one moment, lite & breezy tha next. this is tha kind of weather u make babies to or just chill w/ ur loved one. *sigh* i've been goin thru it. still tellin myself it's okay to b alone and that when tha time is right, a relationship will present itself.

i've been also thinkin 'bout last saturday's outing to tha club. i wrote this:

mista googley eyes
pleez stop watchin my azz
while i dance.
i aint yo private dancer.

now, this is tha beginnin to a piece i'm writing. i've shared it w/ many folks so far, and have gotten a lot of laughs and crazy looks. i feel there's a lot of truth in this statement. i don't like being looked @ like a piece of meat, whether i'm in tha club, on tha street, whereeva. there's a way to get my attention w/o being so blatantly obvious. ok, i'm goin off on a tangent. so many thoughts...

men and infidelity has been on my mind too. is there a man out there that doesn't cheat? i've been thinkin 'bout all of tha men in my life who've held some kind of importance and they've all cheated. i've been thinkin 'bout how this makes me feel and tha word disappointed comes to mind. it took me a while to get it, but that's tha one. disappointed.

so many thoughts runnin thru my brain.
i wanna b held.
i'm goin to listen to tha wind blow outside my space.
painkillers r wonderful.
i need a massage.

pepsi is tha devil
and i am too for drinkin that shit for so long. yesterday, @ lunch i put a piece of gum in my mouth, chewed once was spittin out pieces of a tooth seconds lata. i went to tha dentist today and had a horrible experience w/ him drillin and filin and fillin. my tooth is repaired and probably looks mahvelous -even tho i can't see it- but i am now in excrutiating pain and short $475.

tha assistant said that if i drink soda or juice that i should brush my teeth afterwards cuz tha sugars stay on tha teeth for 'bout 30min afterwards. damn.

i gotta lie down.

tha wind blows
outside my window
ravens soar
above my head
i wanna lie in tha grass
and watch tha sky dance
can i b a cloud
can i b a star
miss moon is always there
to shed some of her lite
i smile

oscar needs to leave dem drugs alone
cuz training day was straight bogus. of all tha movies denzel could win an oscar for, he gets it for that one? *thumbs down*

my feet r sweaty. gotta mail in my taxes today. shit. i've neva been this late b4.

tried tha veggie burger @ burger king. it's good. i was skeptical @ first. thought they'd sneak an all beef patty in that joint. tha sun is shinin and tha grass is finally beginnin to show. now we just need some warm weather. i've been walkin 'round for weeks w/o a coat or socks. tha weather is bearable durin tha day...tha morns/evenins r a bitch. i think it was like 14 degrees when i drove to work this morn. damn. this time last year tha trees were already budding...what's goin on?

anywho, i'm off to get a veggie burger.
got an idea or two for my wears.
training day is waitin for me @ home.
gotta get motivated.
gotta get some yarn.
gotta get some new music.
gotta get some new flicks.
gotta get some food in my belly.

i should've kept my behind in last nite. tha music sucked azz. actually it wasn't so much tha music as it was tha ppl. i cannot stand seein brothas just standin behind a female just watchin tha ass shake. it's disrespectful. here, u'll find a dancefloor w/ mostly women dancin and men just 'round that piece w/ googley eyes. anyway, i wasn't there long. leavin, i ran into tha man who still has my heart. we chatted for a bit. he wanted me to hang 'round, but i wasn't feelin it. i had k.pax @ home waitin to b watched -great flick-. now tha lonelies have begun to creep in. wonderin where i fit in this world.

oooh it's my sister's bday.

i was prepared to stay in tonite, but i suddenly have tha urge to go out. hmmm. i think i have 5 bucks. too bad i don't have enuff for a drank or two. oh well. k.pax will have to wait until tomorrow.

tribe called quest is dope as fuck
went to tha bead shop. bought some beads. went to tha fabric store. bought some buttons and stuff. came home. started work on a bag. then i was knocked out. i think i slept for five hours. i'm now awake and thinkin 'bout goin to tha club. i really wanna shake my groove thang. it's been a while. even if i do go, i know i won't b able to shake it like i wanna.

that was some good sleep.

freak me and i'll freak u back
my friday nite was groovy. lady wiz and i went to this open mic @ borders. we thought we'd get to pass some flyers out for our upcomin show, but nobody was in tha piece! it started @ 8pm and was done @ 820. wtf? we thought we were all late and shit. oh well. we were bummed for a bit cuz we had no money and nuttin to do. then bam! i remembered i had money @ home cuz a customer gave me some loot for their order. woohoo! we went to applebee's to get our drank on. and it was on. this week has been so hard and long, it was definitely margarita time. MUCHO margarita time. 4 sips and i was buzzin. wiz was like, 'don'tcha hate it when u look up and somebody is starin @ u?' b4 i could answer, my azz looks up and this brotha i met @ our previous show was starin @ me. ha! he worked there and had stepped out for a bit. i thought he was comin to speak, but then someone got his attention and he was gone.

oh well.

so i commenced to get drunk and laugh @ everything wiz had to say. i luv her. that's my girl. it's so refreshing to finally have a sistafriend i can trust and depend on and just b me w/o bein judged. i luv it!!! ok, so now this is tha part where homie comes back out. he appears outta nowhere. puts his arm around my shoulder -like we've been friends fo'eva n shit- and says he just came out for a sec to speak. he then asks what we were doin lata -not a damn thang- oh, now he's askin this while lookin @ me. tha we really meant i...what was i doin lata? ya dig? k. so he asks if i'm goin to tha club tomorrow nite (tonite). no. oh whaaaat -all surprised n shit- so he ends it by sayin that we -there's that 'we' again- should stop by and holla @ him. he left and wiz says 'miss .fly, a brotha was flirtin w/ u'. ha! i've seen dude 'round a lot over tha years, but we didn't speak to each otha until tha nite of tha show. he has a lady in his life. they have a child. so y is he speakin to me? ok ok ok. i know y. lol.

now i'm drunk. i'm slumped over tha bar w/ my head in my hands and since i've been horny all freakin week i start to think. maybe he isn't w/ his lady anymore. hmmm. his arms sho' looked nice -sleeveless tee, yum-. lips r nice....i'm diggin a deep hole for myself. so i say to wiz, 'maybe he aint w/ his lady anymore.' so what did i do good ppl? i asked tha sis behind tha bar to get him. he comes out, i hand him my card *wink* and tell him there's anutha show this month and that he can call to get more info. oh, and if he knew of any otha poets 'round town to pass tha info. he then replies, 'cool. my female can write her azz off. i'm goin to try and get her to participate'. *frown* so that's that. no booty for .fly.

lawd, pleez give me tha strength to make it thru this day.

i'm sooooooo sleepy. sometimes i think i should stop eatin lunch cuz tha 'itis will set in every time. i've got rocks in my belly. i dozed off while lookin out my window. i'm sure somebody walked by and saw my head all cocked to tha side.

this sucks azz.

anchorage was in a haze this morn. we need rain now. too much dust in tha air. i'm tired of sneezin. waitin for a nosebleed to happen anyday now. i feel like dancin. i haven't gotten my groove on in a while. too bad mofos out here can't appreciate old skool hiphop. i heard a lot of stuff i had forgotten about while i was in dc. @ one point i actually thanked tha dj after tha club closed. *news flash* i found my 'pure poverty' tape. i'm 'bout to get my dub on. gotta have like 10 copies of that joint so tha original doesn't get destroyed. maybe i should do tha same w/ tha boogiemonsters joint.

i wanna get pierced. i wanna 'nutha tattoo also. i need to get one re.inked. it aint black enuff. ha.

elvis presley aint got no soul
chuck berry is rocknroll.

nuff said.

anutha dream
fadimata called me @ 5am sayin she had a dream 'bout me and was wonderin if i was okay. me w/ my groggy self barely got out a 'yes, i'm fine'. she said in tha dream there was this nice lookin dreadlocked brotha chillin in my crib waitin for me. i come outta my room, walk by him and we smile @ each otha. see, anutha beautiful brotha in a dream...

her early mornin phone calls b killin me sometimes (timezones just aint cool). if my sleep gets interrupted @ all, it's guaranteed i will oversleep. i don't complain tho', i miss her and enjoy talkin to her. i wonder who will visit me tonite.

no nitemares, but i did have a strange dream. i didn't write 'bout it first thing this morn and now i don't rememba all of it. for whateva reason i was in my parent's house for a dinner or sumthin. there was this fine beautiful muslim brotha there w/ his two children. his name was suheir...isn't that a woman's name? anyways, he looked puerto rican or sumthin and what stands out in tha dream is we were in tha bathroom washin our hands and he bumped me w/ his hip and i felt that electricity thing. ya know when somebody brushes up against u and it sends chills all over ya. he was kinda standoffish @ first, but then he loosened up a bit while we were washin our hands. what's up w/ tha hand washing? i think tha name suheir is in my brain bcuz of tha sista.poet that was on def poetry jam...suheir hammad. i recently read sumthin 'bout her in staceyann's journal. so um anywayz...anutha nite was spent alone and all i have to keep me company r tha beautiful imaginary men that visit me in my dreams.

damn he was beautiful.

i should b asleep, but seven just came on. gotta watch it and then have nitemares. *yawn* still thinkin 'bout "possibilities". he called me tonite soundin all stuffy and shit. me w/ my oh so nurturing self -i hate that- wanted to b there to make him tea.

where's maxwell when i need him...i need to do a lil sumthin sumthin, ya dig?

anutha long boring day awaits @ tha plantation.
tha kids have half days...i miss that.
my car is covered in filth. i'm amazed that nobody has taken tha time to write "wash me NOW" on tha back.
i need some new music.

blah blah muggafuggin blah.

goodnite sun. goodnite moon. goodnite stars. goodnite world.

tha geese and sea gulls have suddenly reappeared.

i'm drained. patiently waitin for 345, so i can blow this joint and see what babygirl's teacher has to say 'bout her. i'm a parent. it's been 9yrs and i'm still blown away by it.

thinkin 'bout j and y i'm thinkin 'bout him. ha! tha i.net is tha devil. i keep meetin all these cool azz brothas that live far far away. double ha! i just hate thinkin 'bout all of tha "possibilities". i told wiz that i should find a women's monastery to live in so i won't b 'round any men and that way i wouldn't think 'bout 'em. she laughed in my face. not a lil laugh either but a huge boisterous "yo azz needs to stop dreamin" type laugh. shit, i can dream!!!

nsa brings smiles to my face. sendin luv and madd energy to kkarmakopia.

it feels more like autumn than spring. i woke to find a lite dusting of snow on tha ground. that's disheartening.

did i mention b4 how wonderful it is that bdays happen onlee once a year? sheesh. a sista is tired. i don't know how my moms does it. entertain folks that is. tha party was a success. i mean, i put on a major production -major in my eyes- i hung up streamers and balloons outside my door and around tha apt., i baked cupcakes, cooked hotdogs -i ate salad-, and served. there's a "heavy.duty woman" inside of me afterall. moms was impressed. everybody enjoyed themselves and i enjoyed everybody. we're -babygirl and i- windin down now, i'm afraid if i sit on my big comfy couch i may fall asleep.

this time change shit is really fuckin w/ me right now. cuz in my mind it's still 851pm not 951pm. tha days r gettin longer. tha snow is meltin more and more each day. and i'm closer to wearin my platform sandals.

b4 i go to bed, i'm goin to make my boy j a 'get well' card. see, this is anutha reason y i need to relocate...to b closer to my ppls. he's in chitown...i'm in ak. i guess i could send an e.card, but a homemade one says more. don'tcha think?

tootles.

daylite savings is tha devil.

along w/...
-tha i.net
-ex.boyfriends
-timezones
-mean ppl
-chocolate

i know i'm missin sumthin...there should b like 20 things on my list. i wonder if kwas remembers any of them?

tonite's meal. fried tofu w/ spinach. meal minus meat = lots of chocolate afterwards. i'm bakin choco chip cookies. i snuck a taste of tha vanilla frosting for babygirl's cupcakes. wtf is goin on? maybe tha chocolate is actually a substitution for sex. sumthin to ponder while i'm eatin my cookies.

i am now vegetarian. no more meat for me. i'm tired of gettin sick. yesterday was hell. i thought i was goin to die. for whateva reason, my body has decided to reject meat. so i'm done.

tomorrow is babygirl's birthday bash. what started off as a small family (my family) get.togetha has turned into a big party w/ both fams. i'm not really lookin forward to it. luckily, i have clem to help me cook. while lyin on my deathbed yesterday, she didn't hold her tongue in sayin that she expected my house to b clean. stinky lady...mama stink. tonite i will "clean" and bake cupcakes...actually i save tha bakin for tomorrow. thank goodness bdays happen once a year.

i have 2 new editions to my family. babygirl got them as a birthday gift. i was quite surprised when her grams told me that's what she asked for. wth r we goin to do w/ crabs? they've been w/ us two days and babygirl has already had me pick them up. ugh. i can't front tho', tha more i learn about them, tha cooler they become. they're even kinda cute.

i have a strange child. i noticed this year that she's really into science. maybe that's where her love of weird animals comes from. she has an iguana @ her dad's. i hope she doesn't ask for a tarantula next. i couldn't handle that.

two more days 'til her bday bash...that should b interesting.

relocating has been on my mind heavily since thurs. nite. what is keepin me here? y do i make excuses for not leaving? lord (and e'rybody else) knows i'm not happy here. i know that i nor my biz will grow to full potential here. i gotta leave ak. next summer, i'll b gone. atlanta here i come. i miss tha way my skin looks when i gets constant sun. a glowy red.brown. umm hmm. i'm outta here man. can't let others dictate my life any longer. i gotta live for me and me onlee.

i feel hung over

muMs is a funkyfresh individual. man, he cut his locks. i still gave him tha hat tho'. he dug it. i passed my card along to roger as well (he cut his also *frown*). being a huge fan of OZ, i told muMs that he needed to have a talk w/ tha writers on tha show. when is poet goin to clean up his act and start writin again? homie hugged me for askin. he said tha writers (muthafuckas) want poet to b grimey. i need to b a writer on that show damnit. i'm goin to start a "help poet clean up his act" campaign. cuz some thangs need to change. *smile*

it's 1230 in tha a m and i should b sleep. can't tho'. i'm too wired. got a million and one things runnin thru my head. i gotta write. gotta write. gotta. write. staceyann is beautiful loud strong. beau is, well, he's beau. lol. y'all who've seen know what i'm talkin 'bout. i'm glad i got to see him a second time. he shook his ass to "da butt". dude gotta have some black in him somewhere. ha!

i'm hungry. haven't eaten any real food today. i may turn on tha tele and see what trashy movie is on. gotta lite some 'cense. make some tea. maybe curl up on my big comfy couch w/ a crochet hook in hand. i gotta write.

all i wanna do is post. damn. blogger is gettin too big for its britches. tha server is always busy now ..."publishing is temporarily unavailable...but for a small fee u can upgrade and have access to tha servers". fuck that. my head still hurts. i don't know what i'm goin to wear tonite. i will rock a hat, but i feel like wearin a headwrap. gotta advertise *weak smile*. my heart just isn't in this shit now.

i wanna curl up in my bed w/ portishead dancin in my ears. i can't, cuz i gotta go to tha bank and get money to pay rent. then i gotta feed my child. then i gotta get dressed and then take babygirl to my parents'. wiz isn't in a good mood. i hope she spruces up, i can't b happy and energetic for tha both of us tonite...my heart just isn't in this shit.

tha office is hot today. my fan is blowin on high and my hat is thrown in a corner of my desk. i feel icky. lite.headed. woozy. i've got a headache. i'm lookin forward to tonite's show. i'm makin muMs a hat. y? i'm not sure. just felt like it. this is so unlike me. i don't talk to "celebrities" or give them gifts. so y now?

tha weather is warmin up. i should b doin some work. i can't help but feel there r ppl watchin me. *insert rockwell song here* i'm tired of this place. i found some comfort @ tha yarn store during lunch. saul is playin from tha speakers. coded language makes my shoulders groove from side to side. i've got hats to make damnit! cotton. hemp. acrylic. my tummy's swollen. i hate being on my period. my samoas r gone now. they should come in a bigger box. my shortbread cookies r left for me to munch on. i think i will have some.

dear goddess, we made this breakbeat just for u
i found it. i'm happy.

tomorrow is "russell simmon's" def poetry jam. i put his name in quotations cuz i kinda felt like tha uaa concert board used russell's name to attract a crowd. anywayz, roger bonair-agard, beau sia, taylor mali, staceyann chin, and muMs will all b performing...w/ rah digga hosting. it should b fun and i can't wait. reinna is opening...she's goin to wear a hat of mine. gotta advertise!

right now @ this moment i'm thinkin of p and that intoxicatin smell of his. i've neva smelled anything like it. it's like nag champa w/ a mix of some otha thangs. i could smell him all day. damn.

feelin betta. tha sun is shinin and i'm listenin to blackeyepeas w/ my clogs kicked off in tha corner of my cubicle. my plants r happy -it's like a jungle up in here i tell ya- and i don't have any work. i can't find my saul williams ceedee. i'm on tha verge of panicking and sayin someone stole it. it's probably in anutha ceedee case. so i guess i will have to go thru all 200 of them to find it. i really feel like hearin "our father" damn damn damn!.

tha sun is shinin.
thinkin of p and that sexy ass smell of his.
my head is noddin to "weekend"
smilin @ my plants.

take free enneagram test

pain is growth in progress...
a friend told me that once. what 'bout physical pain? i feel my health deteriorating. i need to join a gym re.acquaint myself w/ billy blanks. my azz has gotten too big. where r those girl scout cookies? *lil joke* anywayz, i'm still in a funk. i'm goin to leave work early. within tha hour if possible. i have clothes to wash, an apartment to clean, and a mouse to kill. i really don't want to kill tha cute, furry thing but i'm tired of him scarin tha shit outta me. he moves like lightnin i tell ya.

so i'm headed home. i'm goin to lite some 'cense, play tricky loud from my speakers (it's a tricky day), and watch my retarded birds for a moment.