experiencing technical difficulties...
looks like blog spot will b my home until i get the bugs worked outta my new spot.

anywayz, the energy is weird in the office today. some of my coworkers have a major attitude problem and it's getting on my nerves. i wish i could close myself inside of my cubicle. yeah, w/ one press of a button i could have my own ceiling and door. my shit would even b sound-proof. i could do my work and listen to prince malachi in peace.

i had a blast saturday nite. the show was madd fun. miss chris did her thang on stage. she's the "mama" outta the group. the first time i heard her voice, i thought i was back in church. i love her man. after the first time i read, she asked y i wasn't a feature like her and the othas. i laughed (i still don't think i'm ready for all of that). anywayz, she's dope!

from the show we went out to eat. after that, we headed to the club. my mission for the nite was to dance. i danced all nite (even to the wack songs). oh, and i met a man. i was (and still am) hella excited 'bout that. it started w/ eye contact. we stared @ each otha for a minute and the next thing i know, he was in my face asking for a dance. whew lawd! he held me close as we swayed to the beat. i swear, everybody around us disappeared. so yeah, i'm not sure where this will lead. actually, i'm not really thinkin 'bout it. whateva happens, happens. the moment was nice.


the countdown begins...17 days 'til new york!
mandara called me early yesterday morn. she was @ a street fair and wanted me to hear the music. i can't wait to get there.

i moved...

i'm ready to go home now. i haven't had much work to do lately. the last two days were spent sitting in a hotel conference room learning the do's and don'ts of business writing. i don't do a lot of writing @ work, but what i learned will come in handy w/ my personal stuff.

i'm counting the minutes 'til i can go home. so much needs to b done.

i had the best nite. me and neisha went to soraya's (a latin club here) to get our boogie on. it was supposed to b reggae/hip hop nite and noone showed up. it was us and 6 other ppl. after a while, it was us, the owner of the club, and the brotha in charge of the nite's activities. the owner started talkin to neisha and i and the next thing we know it's 3am. our conversation went from relationships between men and women these days - religion - our family backgrounds - latin dancing. the man gave us latin dancing lessons. i'm high (not onlee from the long islands i drank). i had a lot of fun.

i need to get some sleep. i gotta get up and go to a class in 3 hrs. shit. goodnite.

b.fly collar boy was @ the writer's group this morn. i was surprised to see him. when the meeting was over we did some catching up. i haven't seen much of him since he got married. i saw him and his wife a month ago @ the last show. she's really beautiful. she's sweet too. i'm glad he's w/ someone genuine. he showed me and wiz one of his wedding pics (which he keeps in his wallet) and it brought tears to my eyes. anywayz, we're cool. it's still a lil awkward, but like w/ anything else time will take care of that.

moms came thru and we did some re.organizing around the apt. she focused on babygirl's room, while i focused on mine. i got rid of a lot of old clothes and threw a lot away. i'm feeling good. after she left i decided to tackle my yarn stash. i'm still organizing that after 2 1/2 hours.

i'm hungry.

i got my ticket and i can't wait to get outta this place. *sigh*

um, i had a lot of shit to say but i guess now it really doesn't matter.

happy day y'all.

fall is in full effect here. the skies r gray, rain falls on the regular, and the leaves r beginning to turn. the mountains look pretty. instead of that lush summer green, shades of yellows, oranges, and reddish browns occupy the rocky mass. i will miss the mountains when i finally leave this place. i've been surrounded by them since i was three years old.

sakura's here y'all! she's finally here! check kkarms' pr guy for all the info.

i'm hoping for a miracle. a financial one. the extra money i received three wks ago (money i was going to use for my ny trip) has dwindled down to an almost non.existent state. airfares r quite high @ the moment (i don't understand y that is either) and i'm wondering how i'm going to make this work and get to the east. i'm not giving up. i know things will work out.

i'm tired. my weekend was quite eventful. i've begun rockin my cooley high sweater w/ a funky scarf @ nite. it really isn't that cold, but since i'm recovering from a cold, staying warm is @ the top of my priority list. i need to eat sumthin.

i'm somewhat irritated w/ ppl @ the moment too. more and more everyday i wanna disappear. some days i don't know what the fuck i'm doing. i think that's y i feel like disappearing, if i spend more time focusing on self and my craft then i can build up my energy...get my self/thoughts in order so i can deal w/ everything and everyone.

i think i'm rambling.

new york, i'm coming to u...

thank you...
zion for the info on the statue.
kyle for the mp3.

there was a full moon august 22. i cut my hand on that nite. mandara had some wild shit happen to her that day. anutha girl that was supposed to b @ the party didn't come bcuz a friend of hers was wanting to commit suicide. something strange happened to all of my guests that day. moon energy aint no joke (i like saying that).

i had a dream last nite that kkarms had her baby. i'm waiting patiently to hear the news.

theraflu aint no joke. i'm 'bout to drink some now so i can feel betta tomorrow. i believe this is anutha sign that i need to slow down. my immune system is shit. i've been sick a lot this year. moreso than any otha year.

i feel like shit bcuz i'm coming down w/ a cold. babygirl is too. looks like i need to get reacquainted w/ my herbs.

i'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. i want to retreat to my bed and hide for a year. my life is so boring right now. wiz called me last nite and asked what's new in my life. i whined -same old stuff. most of the phone convo was spent w/ her talking. i didn't have much to say. she finally yelled, i want my old jackie back! i feel her. i want the old jackie back too. but ya know, i think it has sumthin to do w/ the cooler temps and shorter days (it's dark in the evenings now). around this time i always feel icky. my nails break, my skin is dry and breaks out, and i feel like a balloon.

i can't wait 'til this shit passes.

i performed anutha search on the statue. the onlee goddess i could come up w/ is yemaja aka yemaya.

i'm sleepy. i'm going to bed.

my hand is looking a lot betta since i got the stitches out. i'm amazed @ how fast it's healing.

friday, a coworker gave me a wood carved african statue. the only info she had on it was that it was made in ghana and it's called "the mother goddess". i'm taken w/ her. she's really beautiful. i'm not sure where i'm going to put her just yet, but for now she's chillin next to my front door. i wish i had more info. i did a search on google, but i can't seem to find a site that has pictures of african gods and goddesses (statues that is). i'm a lil frustrated, but i believe sumthin will turn up.

okay, i'm going to get back to work. scarves need to b made. peace.

feeling kinda blah. i'm not sad or depressed. just tired. i should go to bed right this minute. should being the key word. ha.

all it does now is rain. babygirl says the air smells like watermelon after it rains. i always thought she was crazy, but u know what? my baby's right. when we walked outside this morn, the watermelon smell was strong. i love her.

ppl actually read this. i'm buggin off of that. how r yall finding me? it's my website isn't it? shit.

i'm craving new music. i ordered the jazzies new joint. thinkin 'bout getting kyle's joint and the electric company's joint. music has been stale for quite some time and i'm finally @ a point where i don't know who's being played on emp-tv or k-wack. i need something to stimulate my ear drums man. i need something to make my insides quiver. feel me?

today was a crazy and looooong day. my feet still hurt. i should really b in bed, but i couldn't sleep knowing my kitchen was a mess. i can always tell when depression sets in cuz my apt starts lookin like a hurricane hit it. so i cleaned up my kitchen. i can sleep in peace now.

mandara left today. i'm a lil sad, but i'm grateful @ the same time. grateful for a second chance to know her...grateful for all of our vibe sessions...grateful for all the fun. shit, this was a good summer. now it's come to an end (there was frost on my windshield this morn). neisha (our mutual friend) stopped by unexpectedly after taking mandara to the airport. looks like a second chapter has begun. we talked for hours and we've decided to fly to new york together. the trip is going to b awesome. there's so many things i wanna see and ppl i wanna meet.

so, i'm going to bed w/ thoughts of true friendship/sista.ship on my mind.

oh and for those who care, i figured out what i was doing wrong w/ my sewing machine and got the lining sewed in perfectly. i'm ready for anutha sewing project.

goodnite all.

mandara leaves tomorrow. *frown* i'll b going thru withdrawals, i know it. then once i make it to new york and come back here, i'll b depressed for a year. haha, not a year, but damn it'll sure feel like a year. i've spent my labor day finishing up mandara's order. i'm really pissed off w/ my sewing machine @ the moment. all i want to do is sew a lining in her bag. that's it. but i've threaded the bobbin wrong or sumthing. so the thread gets hung up and then i have a big tangled/knotted mess. anywho, i'm giving myself anutha hour and if i still can't get it to work, the bag will b lining-less.

i'm diggin the cool, crisp fall weather we've been having. today has been exceptional cuz instead of rain, the sun is out in full effect. it's comfy. ooh, great picture taking weather. i gotta get on that.

i'm in pain. i just spent two hours in the ER waiting to get my stitches out. i could've waited two extra days and went to a clinic, but it was starting to irritate me, so... i must say that getting the stitches removed hurt worse than cutting my hand. i'm ready to go to sleep now. i'm seriously thinking about putting my needles/hooks down for 2-3 weeks. the less i have to use my thumb, the faster i'll heal.

goodnite.

word to the wise
brothas when u see a lady u like, don't go up to her and say, "u's a big, healthy woman just the way i like 'em." and "u's hairy too!" this mofo said those words to me tonite and what do u think my reply was? fuck u man! he actually thought he was complimenting me. so sad. so very very sad.

:::

tommy where r u?