tha fact that today is halloween has been in tha back of my mind for most of tha day. there will b a sign on my door that says "sorry, no candy". i use to hate it when i saw that on someone's door, but tonite i just want some peace and quiet. some quiet time to reorganize my yarn bins.

i realized sumthin. men like down-to-earthiness. i can just b my regular goofy-funlovin-smiles-way-too-much self and they r attracted. if a man's conversation skills r on point then i'll take tha time to get to know him a lil more. what happens after a few weeks? tha convo becomes sexual and dude starts catchin feelins. i am dealin w/ this now. y god y? all i'm lookin for @ this point in time is conversation...friendship? is that too much to ask?

tryin to use blogback...but a sis can't find tha correct code. help?

last nite, babygirl and i went out to eat. she is so bright and funny and loving and sweet and...she's fascinated w/ poop tho'. either she's tellin a story where tha word "poop" is used or she's lookin @ some goofy toy that has an animal takin a "poop", i think ya get tha point. i think it all started when her grams bought this book for her when she was 2. all i can do is make tha "ooh u're gross" face...that makes her laugh.

i'm a mommy....whoa (it still shocks me)

i've gotten extremely sleepy. boredom is a bitch. maybe i should go outside and slide on tha ice for a bit. i used to do that all of tha time when i was a kid. run and slide. run and slide. run and bam! bust my ass.

looks like tha biz will b takin off in jan. i spoke w/ a man here who is openin a store and has been wantin to talk to me 'bout my wears. our convo was nice. he's serious 'bout makin sumthin happen....i am too (finally).

i've had this image in my head for a while now...me, rollin from state to state peddlin my product. that dream is slowly becomin reality.

check it: i will b in seattle-jan & dc-march

i was sittin behind tha counter wonderin where all of tha customers were, when these two young girls walk in. tha second girl takes one look @ me and tha store and says oh so gleefully, "hey look, it's miss cleo's store." me w/ my silly self is lookin 'round like, "who's she talkin 'bout?" haha.

i introduced moms to tha hands-free phone. i wanted one for christmas. she decides to buy one for herself and now all she can do is tell me how wonderful it is. "aww girl, this thing here is da bomb!" (when did my parents start sayin that?) "i can cook, clean and still talk!" moms is funny.

i heard a song today
that made my spirit happy.
i could feel a poem
brewing in my head.
i was drivin and couldn`t
get my hands on a pen
so tha words escaped me.
i hate when that happens.

come back to me...

dear blog
my car almost didn't start this morn. i walked outside in 8 degree weather in my pjs (overslept again). it's so damn cold. gotta plug my baby up tonite. i'm sleepy. bored @ tha job. three more flowers bloomed on my plant. they're pretty. i'm not speakin to my ex these days. i miss him, but don't. 30 minutes 'til lunch. i think i will go to tha magic carpet and see if they have some more "crouching tiger pants". these joints r comfy. i find myself wearin crazy amounts of layers. i like experimenting w/ clothes. vogue fashion awards were lackin a lil sumthin this year. marc jacobs is a great designer. so is stella mccartney. did ppl forget 'bout patrick kelly? he's been gone for a while now...i can't find anything about him on tha web. kkarma likes pink. i like brown. boyz r yummy...

i'm gettin tha itch again...

--yarn fiend 'til tha day i die--

givin thanx
my quarterly evaluation was this morn. i am always really nervous 'bout it cuz i just know my boss will tell me i don't do enuff work and i surf tha web too much (i need more to do dammit). anywayz, it always turns out fine. today was a lil different tho'. not onlee was tha eval wonderful, she told me i could take out-of-state training. this is major bcuz for my position (clerk) there isn't a whole lot of training out there ('specially in ak). i see a promotion comin. so, dec. 10-14 i will b in denver. i've got fam in denver. i'll stay an extra two days to hang w/ them (if possible). things r really lookin up. wow.

feelin very productive tonite. things r movin. maybe it was tha convo w/ buttafly collar boy. he and his friend r workin really hard to get their bizness off tha ground. he barely had time to talk. i left work to head to tha otha job...stopped home to get my basket of yarn (a sista beez bored) and worked on a couple of projects i've been slackin on for tha last few weeks.

came home, got my dsl workin (xp isn't tha devil anymore), and managed to finish my scarf. while @ work, i decided to turn my itty bitty dining room into a home office. maybe that will keep me motivated as well...

this man is tryin to get me. he's very sweet...he cooked me and wiz breakfast and brought it to our room in seattle. he's been callin me more than i expected. it's nice. he's really easy to talk to and i think that's what i like most. i told him i was really shy as a kid and even now as an adult i get tongue tied and dumbfounded when i'm 'round ppl. turns out he was shy too. refreshing i tell ya. i'm afraid tha more we get to know each otha, tha more he'll want outta tha relationship. i don't want that to happen cuz then he'll lose me as a friend. i guess all i can do is wait and see what happens.

he'd b a good person to have 'round...

saul's joint finally dropped. hopefully i can find that shit.

feelin betta today. my sense of smell is returning slowly. i would like to go home and finish this scarf i started knittin. it's so cute. when i started, it was goin to b a christmas gift for my sis but now i'm seriously thinkin 'bout keepin it for myself. that's bad i know. i thought it would b nice to make all (or at least most) of my gifts this year -since i hate bein out in tha ice/snow covered streets w/ crazed holiday shoppers- my gramma's throw isn't even close to bein finished. i have to focus on that and nuttin else for tha next month. *sigh*

can i really do this bizness thing? havin second thoughts...

my new computer has been a great big headache since i bought it two weeks ago. that's what i get for being spiteful w/ moms (i apologized quickly).

windows xp is tha devil...

i have a lot to say, just don't know how to convey them @ this moment.

i feel high. my head is lite and i feel like dancin, but would faint from weakness if i tried.
i wish babygirl was here to laugh w/ me.
it's still snowing. i think we're gettin all of this snow to make up for tha lack of it last winter.
my fluorite heart is chipped. i don't like it anymore. :o(
i tend to wash my clothes @ 10pm.

brought to u from tha buttafly den

i have absolutely nuttin to say. i'm sleepy. i was up 'til 3am last nite crochetin/knittin/loungin. i thought i was goin out, but i lost that feelin. it's cold and tha roads r probably bad (for those who haven't purchased snow tires yet -- me, of course) and i don't feel like seein tha same ole club crowd. i feel tha beginnings of an illness comin on. sore throat, achy head, stuffy nose, blah blah muthafunkin blah...can i call in tomorrow?

goodnite ppls.

...afterwards this guy tried to battle me in breakin'. it was weird. he was really waiting to do the windmill. you can tell when someone isn't wanting to really battle, but just wants the chance to do the windmill. i like girls.--beau sia

i like him. got to see him perform in feb/mar. he's hilarious.

@ lunch i bought some music. i've been feenin for fiona apple so i bought tidal (i destroyed my tape so long ago). i got that red star sounds vol. 1 -which sounds pretty damn groovy- and i broke down and bought prt's righteous grooves which is sumthin like a greatest hits (i guess).

:::

watchin tha snow fall
it's quiet. seems to fall in slow motion.
i need to b quiet.
b @ peace like fresh-fallen snow.
untouched.

i had this problem.

murder she wrote--chaka demus & pliers

this will always b tha jam....lawd somebody stop me b4 i get up and start dancin in my cubicle -it's happened b4-.

fadimata called me early this morn -she knows my ass neva gets up on time- to tell me she was comin back in early november. i miss her so much. anywayz, she's in delaware chillin w/ fam and has been tryin to get to dc since tha 9/11 attacks. tha thing is, she's supposed to b movin to dc and is terrified -really terrified now w/ all tha anthrax cases poppin up- so she's lookin forward to comin back home.

while talkin to her i shared that since tha news hasn't been on e'ry channel 24 hrs a day, i seemed to have disconnected myself from e'rything that's goin on. i'm in alaska. "out of tha country" so to speak. tha attacks did affect me and when i went to seattle i realized how much. while chillin in my hotel room, i got to watch oprah. she had ppl on her show talkin 'bout security in airports. b4 i saw this i had tha utmost confidence in tha faa and tha new security measures bein put in place. after seein what they had to say, i was left feelin uncomfortable. tha truth is, a lot more could b done. anywayz, while waitin to return home, me and wiz were chillin. readin our mags, talkin, etc. this strange lookin white man sits across from me lookin weird. i was cool until he got up and left his bag sittin next to his seat. this man was gone 'bout 30 min. i got ancy. my mind raced w/ thoughts of security failing and this man had a bomb in his bag. i told wiz we needed to move -like that would save our asses if a bomb did go off- right when i was about to share my concern w/ tha airlines ppl, he came back. i calmed down but i've been thinkin 'bout things ever since.

i'm sittin here wishin i was in seattle right now. it was warmer (somewhat) and tha sun shone (a few times). snow has been fallin since early this morn and it's stickin. so i guess it's here to stay.

re.membering: inye took me and wiz to a beach. i found some rocks and sea shells to give to babygirl. i could've spent tha whole day there talkin to him.

i'm feelin good. rejuvenated. ready to conquer tha world.

sleepless in seattle
wiz and i reaked havoc in tha streets of seattle. we had so much fuckin fun, we decided to go back in january for my birthday and do it up again. we walked and ate, walked and shopped, walked and walked and walked some damn more. those steep ass hills of theirs need to go ( i don't know how tha sistas walk 'round in 3-4in. heels up them thangs). fri. and sat. nite we went to tha bohemian and danced all nite long. sat nite after tha bohemian closed we went to wazanobia and danced some more. tha mens were e'rywhere. my ass got invited to africa and managed to get us a home cooked jamaican breakfast (it was HOT too!) and fresh herb tea brought to our room. it was tha bomb. i met inye from bp, who by tha way is tha coolest man alive. and what else...oh, when folks found out we were from alaska tha onlee thing that could come outta their mouths were, "u work on a fishing boat?" or "can u get me a job on a fishing boat?" man, we laughed tha whole time we were there. seattle is a great city. it's definitely a place i could live.

so now i'm home, wonderin what to do w/ myself. i stopped eatin meat today. i'm feelin a lil whoozy bcuz i forgot to eat...so i need to take my ass to tha store and buy some groceries b4 i fall out.

tonite: i'll b on a plane.
tha weekend: me and wiz r hittin tha streets of seattle.
monday/tuesday: this will keep me busy.

it snowed today.
y am i surprised? i'm in alaska. tha winters here last for an eternity (it seems that way sometimes).
my hair is dry and my face is breakin out terribly.
i bought a computer, but have to wait 3-5 days for tha phone company to tell me if i can get DSL (wtf?).
i realized that i crochet fanatically bcuz if i don't keep my hands busy i'll chew my nails. :o(

bad habits r hard to break.

we're losing more and more daylite each day. i think it's beginnin to affect me. i'm cravin tha warmth of a man right now and i hate it. last nite, i realized what kinda man i don't want. this brotha has been after me for a few weeks now. wheneva i'm 'round him i seem to revert to my highschool self. i get hella quiet and uncomfortable. spirit says don't fuck w/ him. i'm goin to listen.

sumthin just aint right.

beliefs of one day my prince will come has been flushed down tha muthafuckin toilet--me

4 day weekend for me. y do i feel like i really need tha time? this day has been a crappy one. i've been in a foul mood since i woke up this mornin. i don't know y really. maybe i'm pms'in. tha skies turned gray (what happened to tha big, puffy clouds and bright bright sun?) and tha trees r almost bare.

i've got some knitting to do and my fingers hurt.
i miss my sis and bro.
i'm changin my diet (started today) and i'm feenin for mcdonald's french fries and a piece of pecan pie.

supa sista
i see u off in tha distance
comin @ me like a twister
packing more force than a 4-time
heavyweight champion
kinkycoil topped cauldron
of pain, passion and black-mama strength
hellbent on
making ur mark in this world...--supa sista, ursula rucker

tha creator is so wonderful. i am lookin @ tha most beautiful sunrise i've eva seen.

i'm awestruck (is that a word?)

today has been outta control.

i wanna go home, curl up on my comfy couch and read/crochet/knit/sleep.

tha moon was out in full effect this mornin. big and brite, i felt like i could touch her. tha otha nite me and babygirl came home and b4 i could get outta tha car she was out and lookin up @ tha sky. she got excited when she saw tha stars and said, "oooh mama, i haven't seen tha stars in a very long time." she then went on to point out tha big dipper.

now brotha sun is shinin in my face. i'm hopin his rays will wake me outta this groggy state of being i'm in.

my belly's full of tha tomato-mozarella sammich i had @ lunch. now i've got tha dragon. a sis is prepared tho', got some gum right here. haha. it's cold and rainy today. tha skies r gray, sumthin i think i will see a lot of this winter. babygirl is already talkin 'bout her halloween costume. she wants her mama (me) to dress up too. if i do, i'll b a child of tha 70s (sumthin i think i should have been anywayz). i wouldn't have to spend any cash on a costume cuz my e'ryday wardrobe reflects that time (i've got a couple of afro wigs too). i'm tryin my best to get into tha spirit w/ her, but i'm not feelin it. holidays have become regular days for me.

moms is already askin me what i want for christmas. christmas is not my favorite holiday (or time of year) and i could care less if i received any gifts....but since she asked i told her a hands free phone. y not get sumthin i could really use?

tix to seattle r $270.80. i'm gettin excited. i was thinkin i had two weeks to prepare, but tha 12th is next week! damn damn damn. it's gonna work out.

i walked out to start my car this morn and it was hella dark. it is oct. 1. i guess it is time for tha dark skies to take over. so now when i reach work, it'll b dark. when i leave work it'll b dark. tha day will b lite while i'm indoors :o( . movin on...

since tha days r gettin shorter, tha temp should b droppin lower. i'm beginnin to get my winter wardrobe togetha. i decided to take it back 5 yrs to when i would rock my jeans w/ my dresses. long or short, i will rock some long pants underneath my joints. moms and pops will say i look ridiculous, but i don't care. a sista's concerned 'bout warmth. that's it. i may even purchase a pair of long johns (who came up w/ that name anyway? thermal underwear sounds so much betta).

lady wiz's earthday is tha 13th. we might go to seattle for tha weekend and partay hartay! woohoo! we gotta get some info on tha club scene first. a hotel is needed also. leave it to me to come up w/ some spur of tha moment shit. whether we go or not, we r goin to have fun fun fun.

oh how can i forget this. i'm a major boxing fan. how come i didn't know hopkins & trinidad was fightin saturday nite? i went to my boy's house for a minute and saw one of tha preliminary fights and got excited. i had to rush to my parent's so i could watch tha fight w/ my pops. anywayz, hopkins won and i'm glad.

k, i'm done.

oh and i'm goin to lose 15lbs this month. i can do it.

k, i'm really done.