get crafty y'all.

check out: not martha

this site has all sorts of crafty things on it.

--there's a lip balm recipe that i'm goin to try--

my eyes burn.
my body aches.
my head itches.
i'm tired. *yawn*

school starts next week and i can't wait. things will b "quiet" 'round town once again. aint nuttin i hate more than to go to tha mall and find a whole bunch of youngins runnin 'round actin crazy. now from sept 4-june wheneva 730-330, tha chilrens will b in school and i can roam tha mall freely and effortlessly.

@ lunch i went to tha yarn store. found some really nice yarns (boucle, mohair, eyelash--as loc.queen calls it--aint that hat buttas?). i wish i had tha money to spend. after speakin w/ sis. queen i realized that i've been stuck usin tha same styles and colors. but sis got me opin now. i wanna use tha most far out materials i can get my hands on and use tha sickest color combinations i can think of (i luv usin color).

while in tha yarn store, i decided to take a knitting class. i think knitting would b fun and i think knitted wears look more polished than crocheted (sweaters, socks, some hats). after i get tha basics down, i would like to knit socks, mittens, and sweaters. i figure tha more i know tha betta.

tupperware!!!
i've fallen in luv w/ tupperware. my sis has me hooked (she's sellin it).

i want this and this and this.

source awards revisited
who tha hell is benzino?

source awards
i onlee watched tha first hour and to b honest that was way too long.

--wtf was up w/ jesse jackson? fa shizzle my nizzle? he coulda kept that to himself.
--busta was wrong for introducin jesse as our next president.
--vivica fox and her nose job....whoa.
--nelly and those farm animals had to go.
--lil kim's outfit and bad wig was killin me. i kept tellin tha chilrens to close their eyes.

tha onlee thing i dug was puffy's (refuse to call him p. diddy) performance w/ 8ball & mjg. tha editing was bad....tha production on a whole was cheesy. will they eva get it togetha?

time's a wastin-erykah badu
i got no sleep last nite. i dozed off watchin tv and once i took my butt to bed, i was awake. damn. then once i started to drift, my neighbor begins playin his rock music loudly. it wouldn't b so bad if that shit wasn't over my head. so i just laid there, starin @ tha ceilin thinkin 'bout my life and those damn nitemares. i think i'm afraid to go to sleep now. i was told today that i should not b gettin hurt in my dreams....so since i am, what does that say 'bout me. dreams r supposed to b a reflection of what's goin on in ur life. right?

i want my nose pierced. i thought tha urge to do it had left, but it hasn't. i know my moms will shit bricks. just like when i shaved my head for tha first time and she saw my first 2 tattoos. she said, "lawd have mercy this child of mine has lost her gotdamned mind!" i would think she wouldn't b surprised by my antics, but ya just neva know w/ my moms. i am so not like my sis and bro. does it say in some child raisin handbook that tha middle child is always tha "black sheep" of tha fam? while in atlanta, my bro used volkswagon vehicles to best describe our styles...gwen=passat cc=jetta and me=a bug. perfect.

i found it
embarked on a journey
subconsciously unaware of reality
tryin to find tha person i b
am i that cloud right there in tha sky
or am i a single petal left on a rose
shit man, i could b that moon glow shinin thru ur window
but u don’t hear me tho'
i’ve embarked on a journey
tryin to find that person i b
cuz that shit stays on my mind constantly
was blind and beginnin to see
tha monotonous bullshit that has surrounded me
um, can u help a sista out pleez?
cuz i’m left tongue tied
tired of speakin and not bein heard
tired of listenin to nonsense that is continuously spit
this journey has got me opin
and copin w/ tha unfamiliar
anticipating what’s in store for me
but afraid of neva knowin
who i b

al jarreau is comin to anchorage. woohoo! i'm goin, even if i have to go by myself.

anutha dream
i dreamt that james/semaj (dude from dancing in september) had a machete blade connected to an ear piece (y? i don't know) and was tryin to cut me w/ it. he managed to slice my hand, almost cuttin my ring and pinky finger off, but i somehow got him to cut himself very deeply around his neck. now that i think 'bout it, his head should have fallen off...anyway, he chased me then i woke up.

i told my girl 'bout tha last dream (tha kkk chased me) and all she could say was, "girl, what did u eat b4 u went to bed?". oh, but she said that after i told her 'bout this lion (muppet lookin thing) who had me tied up and...well, touched me in a sensitive area. WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN?

i can't help but wonda if i'm livin my life to tha fullest. shit, i don't even have to think 'bout it. tha answer is NO. saturday evenin i was on my way to tha video store when i saw a really bad accident. a motorcyclist had been hit by a car (maybe two...couldn't tell). it must've just happened cuz tha EMTs were just beginnin to put him/her on tha stretcher. i said a lil prayer and kept goin. 20 min. lata my girl calls and tells me aaliyah died. damn. i felt like i'd been hit in tha stomach.

i've been lettin fear run my life. i haven't been livin bcuz i've been too scared to open my mouth and too scared to take chances...

*sigh* more lata

i've become a mall worker again. every weekend i sit behind tha sales counter and watch ppl walk by tha store. sometimes i get blessed w/ a visit from a friend or two, but mostly i just sit and watch ppl walk by and wonda what their lives r like.

it's 938pm and kids r out screamin @ tha top of their lungs, runnin 'round havin tha time of their lives and i'm indoors washin clothes. i wanna run and play too.

i spent a lil time w/ buttafly collar boy and his friend. it seems like i haven't seen him in months (it's been weeks). he's been busy w/ work and gettin his biz off tha ground. he's tryin to convince me to compete in this year's slam competition, but i'm not sure i want my poems to b judged. how can u put a score on ur soul's thoughts? all i want is an open mic to go to. that's it. a place for me to share what's on my mind/in my heart.

i was knocked tha fuck out
i drove all tha way to tha last intersection to get home and i dozed off @ tha red lite. i got scared and started prayin. just one more minute god and i'll b home. i made it (givin thanx) and crashed instantly. when i woke up it was 'bout 10pm. damn. i slept 5 hrs and instead of watchin tha dope flick that was on tha boob tube, i fell asleep again. it was 3am when i woke again. i must've been tired.

sleep is therapeutic jenn. i feel like a million bucks.

i'm so fuckin tired. i'm so tired that i'm actually worried i won't make it home safely.

butta.fly will b dead to tha world (as moms would say) in 'bout 30 min.

temporary nite-maxwell
i'm a lil disappointed w/ maxwell's new album now. it doesn't move me inside like tha otha albums did. i love his voice and i will swoon ova him for a lifetime BUT it sounds like he's goin after hit records and madd radio play. *sigh* i won't hold it against u hun. i still love u.

okay i'm buggin. haha.

sesame street-goodie mob
i've been a busy sista today. i left work for 'bout 3hrs to take babygirl to get her braces. she is such a joy to b 'round. i thought she would pitch a fit while tha dr. put them on, but she just sat there askin questions (w/ her mouth full of goo) and crackin jokes. i luv her so much.

i dropped her off @ her dad's and went to grab me a bite to eat. it has to b 80 degrees out. that made me happy since tha mornins and evenins r so cool now (tha trees r already beginnin to lose their leaves *frown w/ lips poked out*). i just drove 'round w/ goodie mob blastin from my speakers....bought some fruit and chilled in tha sunshine b4 i returned to work.

while drivin i thought 'bout how good tha creator is. wheneva i feel like that lite won't eva shine @ tha end of tha tunnel, i'll meet someone or know someone who's goin thru sumthin worse than me. while in atlanta, my sis said to me one nite, "as long as i have been on this earth, i have neva heard mama complain 'bout her life or eva say she was bored." that had me stuck for a sec cuz i couldn't recall my moms eva complainin either. all i could think was, "damn, what tha fuck is wrong w/ u? y do u feel ur life is so bad/boring/incomplete? blah blah blah..." i think it's time i recognize all of tha goodness that's in my life.

thankful for...
wakin up this morn
havin enuff gas to get me to work
tha sunshine
my babygirl-->her energy, willingness to learn, helpfulness
my health.

so tell me, what r u thankful for?

has saul's joint come out yet?

all that i am-bilal
i just spoke w/ a woman in my building who transferred up here from atlanta. she's got connections and will pass my name along to some folks out there. butta needs a job b4 she can move. i'm proud of myself cuz i opened up my mouth. i'm pretty bad @ lettin opportunities pass me by......all bcuz of fear. aint that some shit. well, no more. i've gotten a second job so i can save a lil cashee (as moms says). now all i need to do is sell some crowns.

i met this brotha saturday nite who had so much fuckin hair, i wanted to make him a hat just cuz. his locks were so thick (and i saw this in tha dark) it looked like homie had a hunch in his back. he was cool and wouldn't ya know it, my ass had changed purses and didn't bring my business cards. i coulda smacked myself. i need to b more prepared when i go out. ya neva know who u might run into right?

so what-miles davis
i'm a tired mofo. i did not sleep well at all last nite. fadimata left madd early this morn to catch her flight, but besides gettin up for those few minutes to help her, i kept wakin up thru.out tha nite. i was restless and i don't know y. it started when i had 4 back to back nightmares tha last one ended w/ tha KKK chasin me. when i woke up i was so out of it (i'd onlee been asleep 30 min.), fadimata suggested i start a dream journal, cuz there was a woman in my dream that i've seen in many othas. to help me sleep i burned some nag champa and prayed. tha dreams stopped then, but i still kept wakin up.

now i'm @ work b o r e d, listenin to miles thinkin i should've kept up my clarinet lessons. tha sun is shinin brightly, but i know he's foolin me into thinkin it's warm. i know betta.

thinkin 'bout kwas and kkarmalina. when they leave...taos will neva b tha same.

:::

thinkin 'bout my weekend. i had madd fun hangin w/ my girl wiz. i danced all nite long. for that moment i felt free...my mind wasn't bogged down w/ all of tha what ifs/i need to dos/shouldawouldacouldas...then i reached home and tha loneliness set in. i'm still disappointed in most brothas i come across. i met this brotha who seemed really nice, but he was married. homie was tryin to holla...not at first but b4 tha nite was over he spoke his piece and i just sat there lookin @ him. i appreciated his honesty but he was married. i gave him this long spill on how marriage was a beautiful thang and...

so i don't get depressed this winter, i decided to keep a low profile. take a sewin/knittin/art class and prepare for what's to come. i am movin to atlanta--that's my goal for 2002, save up some cash and get prepared to leave in 2003.

:::

roc, u're in my thoughts. b strong sis.

what's goin on in tha universe? has there been a full moon this week? it seems all of my friends r goin thru sumthin. feelin sad/hurt/depressed. bein tha luvin-natured person i am, i wanna help my girls and take their pain away. what can i do? just b there for them, i guess. let my shoulder b cried on, lend a listenin ear, give a lil advice.

this too shall pass--sista fadimata tells me this all of tha time. it's true.

FYI
lady rucker's album is comin out next month.

funny isht here--->top ten blog!!!

:::
i feel like slow dancin
w/ a beautiful brown boy
do folks do that anymore?
now i'm not talkin 'bout simulatin sex acts to "bump n grind"
i'm talkin 'bout that lover'srockfromsidetosideheadrestedonhischestintimateembrace to some stevie/miles/coltrane/anita/luther.

man oh man

see baby, i've been eye'n u for a long time
and i think u really understand that i'm just
so fuckin in luv wit u
i just can't verberate that shit into words
u understand me girl?---slyde, bilal

i luv that shit

do u buttafly take this man to b ur...
my babygirl is startin her campaign to find me a husband again. "mama i know who u can marry..." and she'll give me a name. this time it's buttafly collar boy. i aint ready for marriage. and i'm doin my best to explain to her that marriage isn't tha onlee thing to strive for in this lifetime. i'm perfectly content bein single. she doesn't get it tho'. she just wants a brotha or sista to play w/ (that's anotha story).

hello world
tha funk-ee-fresh one has returned. my trip was highly enjoyable.

atlanta
a couple of days were spent in frustration. i spent time w/ my sis and my bro---had a lot of laughs---but, i felt like i was in a rush tha whole time and didn't really do anything that i had planned b4 hand. i managed to see my girl jaz (we got stranded on I-285 for a minute) and go to lil five points.

mississippi
my visit to greenville was actually cool (to my surprise). i luv bein 'round my fam. lots of laughs, food (tha fish fry was bangin), rain, humidity (it was serious). i got a lot of looks and "u don't look like u're from here"s.....i was even told i had an "acoustic" style/look. hehe.

we visited family out in tha country. i was @ peace w/ myself while i was there. bein surrounded by nature was good for me. durin tha day, tha birds sang, butterflies fluttered from flower to flower. @ nite, crickets were heard chirpin in tha darkness. it was cool. we need crickets in alaska (smile).

so i've decided that i will b movin to atlanta. there's a lot to b done. where do i start first?

roy ayers is funkay! listenin to his anthology right now, gettin my disco on. i'm ready to go home. still have a few things to do b4 i head to tha airport. i hope i can sleep. i usually can't. flyin all nite thru 2 (or is it 3) time zones is not cool. and i pray all goes well. flyin all nite w/ no sleep does not help matters when ur flight becomes cancelled/delayed for any reason. many airline employees have been cursed out...by me...lady buttafly.

keep ur fingas crossed.