i's tired.
sore.
need a break from
packin/cleanin/thinkin
i can't wait to sit my butt down
on tha plane.

my brotha called me earlier to inform me that i need to bring mosquito repellent. y? cuz atlanta's mosquitoes carry some sort of virus. great. so now i'm worried my babygirl will get sick and die from some damn bug. mosquito repellent doesn't work. e'rybody knows that.

just sumthin else for me to stress over. my head still hurts and i think i'm gettin an ear infection too.

time is movin fast and i feel like i'm losin control of my thoughts. i hate feelin rushed. yea that's it. rushed. aug. 1 me and babygirl will b on a plane and i don't think i've got all of my shit togetha.

*sigh* my head hurts. i'm goin to lay out in tha sun and spend some time w/ my doggie.

where da righteous brothas @?
i'm lookin for a respectful kind spiritual ambitious type brotha. tha type who is hard workin, has a relationship w/ his creator, and luvs/respects his mama. is he out there? nuttin gets under my skin more than when a i'm out and a brotha just stares @ me. can't u speak? i speak and get no reply. aight. so when i'm out gettin my dance on what happens? i get more stares and some peace queen's or even a few "it's so nice to see a beautiful nubian sista representin"'s, but where do they go after that? either to tha white girl or to tha sista who is practically nekkid and shakin her ass on tha dance floor. it hurts me cuz i see respect is sumthin that doesn't exist anymore. there was a time when i would just settle for any joe blow that came my way. that's not tha case anymore. so should i stop hopin?

tazo tea is now bottled. tha lemon ginger is da bomb!
i bought a couple of coconuts to use on my hair. had to get schooled on how to open them suckas. tha last one got demolished by a hammer...i didn't know what i was doin (obviously).

i really need to b more organized
i really need to b more organized
i really need to b more organized

i'm up @ 1am tryin to find some paperwork for an appt. i have @ 11. *sigh* i will neva find what i'm lookin for. *slaps hand* shame on me.

i had lunch w/ buttafly collar boy. i shared tha poem (buttafly collar boy-tha creator's blessing) i wrote 'bout him and he actually loved tha fact that i dubbed him "buttafly collar boy". he thanked me w/ that beautiful smile of his. still prayin for a miracle....one day he will b mine all mine.

have u eva been to a movie that served meals? i went to tha bear's tooth tonite. it's great. they've got $2 movies, freshly brewed beer (and otha alcoholic beverages), and FOOD. what more can u ask for? i watched blow while munchin on a chicken quesadilla (sp?) and a strawberry banana smoothie....it was so good.

i need to take my azz to bed.

goodnite world.

technologie-wax poetic

lawd hep meh pleez! if i see anotha invoice i swear i'm gonna scream. i've already sung tha "i'm bout to hurt someone" anthem...

yall gonna make me lose my mind
up in here up in here

hell muthafunkin yeah!

it feels like this week is flyin by.
i called my sis yesterday. she read me some of her poetry. i was so happy/excited/amped. my sis got skills yall. i think she should b on stage (she can sang too). i cant wait to see her, my nephew, and my bro. she informed me that she & anotha friend of hers was goin to take me to some open mic joints........did i say i cant wait? man. while walkin yesterday, i visited a friend of hers (she owns a gift shop). this woman has known me since i was little (like 6 or 7). she was buggin out ova how different me and my sis were. my sis is hella conservative yet she has a funky side to her. me on tha otha hand, i like bein comfy/casual/earthy. this woman called me earth muffin. that was new. i've heard flower child & hippie chick to describe me, but earth muffin?

wonderin what will b revealed to me on this trip. my life will change after this, i know it.

now that time is windin down i'm beginnin to get stressed 'bout this trip. financially stressed. monies aren't flowin like i had hoped and i pray nuttin is shut off b4 i come back home. *sigh*

i'm keepin a level head tho'. i'm bringin some wears w/ me to sell. i believe in my product and i believe that e'rything will work out fine (gotta tell myself that). atliens, if u happen to see a short sista w/ a towerin headwrap on holdin a sign that says WILL CROCHET 4 FOOD, that's me. show a sista some luv. aight.

oh oh oh, i tied my first lapa today! yeaaahh boyeeeee!

tha women's conference was excellent. i came outta of it feelin unstuck. i just have a new perspective on things. i had an excellent lunch too (snow city cafe is tha goodness). after it was over, i spent an hour walkin 'round downtown. it had been cloudy all day, but tha sun decided to show himself once i stepped foot outta tha hotel. woohoo!

went to an open mic. team alaska did their thang.....tha nationals r next week. i wish i could go to seattle to see tha event, but i will b in atlanta. maybe next year i will try to make it. shit, i may even make next year's team. anywayz, ppl here don't fully understand tha term "open mic". there weren't a lot of ppl on stage last nite. there were 4 members of tha team plus 3 othas. i wanted to read, but chickened out. i can't stand bein up in front of all those ppl w/ my poem in hand shakin wildly cuz i'm so nervous or clutchin my notebook so hard until all of tha blood leaves my hands. it's a terrible sight man.

anotha late nite in front of tha 'puter. i should have my ass in bed. sleep is callin me, but i got sumthin to say. naw, i don't really. it's just that i couldn't get on tha internet @ work today and i've been feenin. them folks fuckin w/ my routine. that aint cool (lol). anywayz, i got a surprise visit from an old co-worker. he swung me 'round in my chair and kissed me right smack on tha lips. thank god nobody was walkin by....he musta been holdin that in for a while. onlee this type o' shit happens to me. y?

women's conference is tomorrow/today. i'm gettin paid to b outta tha office and goof off. i've signed up for this feng-shui (for tha workplace) and stress-reducin class....again i say goof off.

1 week left and i'll b in atlanta. i wonda how much tha place has changed since i last lived there. lookin forward to tha hot, muggy weather, thunderstorms, lil five points (5 points for tha matter), tha discount fabric store, bein w/ my sis, nephew, and my bro.

i'll b in mississippi 5 days lata. lookin forward to hearin tha crickets chirp and catchin lightenin bugs. that place was special when i was little.

good nite all.

happy birthday kwas!

woohoo! i got temporary computer access from my own home. so i'm gettin a taste of what it will b like when i actually get my own computer.

today's been a blah day. a lazy day. i managed to leave my crib 'round 3, get my dog, take her for a ride to tha carwash, and come back home. bought some bidis. i felt like smokin, so i spent tha $4.50 for them....damn taxes. i won't b buyin anymore anytime soon believe me. i had forgotten how good they smelled. mmmm.

res has been boomin all day. all day. she's gettin tha play jill used to get when she first dropped. tha basslines in her songs got me hooked. tha lyrics come next. listenin to her makes me wanna write.

it's gettin late. i should go prepare for tomorrow. i can't b late (haha).

700 mile situation-res

buttafly collar boy is all up in my dome.
we shared a tender moment friday nite.
y da fuck does he have a girlfriend?
i was doin good..not thinkin 'bout him
and lookin @ him as a potential...
but he's once again managed to fuck my head up.

*sigh*

i'm so ready to go on my trip.
i'm so ready to leave alaska.
i don't know where my next home will b.
maybe atlanta. maybe dc area. who knows.

i gotta find sumthin to get into today.
maybe a movie. maybe a trip to tha bookstore. maybe a trip to wal-mart (hehe).

i gots hats to finish.
i gots to get ready for atlanta.

i gotta get my mind right.

i now know that i don't do well sittin down for long periods of time w/ a room full of ppl.

arrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!
i feel like screamin. i overslept again, but this time i onlee managed to b late by 20 min. i tell myself i need to do betta, but it's so hard to get up and come to this horrible place. there's no sort of upward mobility in my position and that sucks. i look and look and look for new work, but nuttin is presentin itself to me right now. thinkin 'bout goin back to school. thinkin 'bout leavin ak. thinkin 'bout tha future.

my head hurts so bad right now. there's pain right smack in tha middle of my forehead. it may have been caused from tension. it usually is. i've been kava free for 3 days...i'm not a good pill taker.

i'm ramblin. that should b my cue to get off this thing. ooh there's an all employee meetin this morn...i hope i don't fall asleep.

this peach is so damn tasty. tha juice is runnin down my arm.

mmmm mmm good.

idiot i tell ya
i've been twistin and turnin this thing and my coworker just pulls it out.

duh jackie *homer doh goes here*

took an extended lunch (tend to when i oversleep..go figure) and bought a battery adaptor for my ride. looked for a battery, but camelot doesn't sell 'em. anyway, i get in tha car and was literally wrestlin w/ tha damn package. who packages these things anyway? i didn't have my knife on me. my fingernails (yes, fingernails) weren't doin tha trick. i finally had to stab tha joker w/ a key. aint that some shit. that's not it tho', sony makes these adaptors to fit all of their cd players but my shit doesn't fit. it doesn't fit. i think if i can get this lil thingy off tha battery cord, i can switch it out for tha otha one that came in tha package----BUT i need pliers (that's if it comes off, i might break tha damn thing)....*sigh*

leavin tha parkin garage (sweaty from my 'bout w/ tha packaging demon) w/ my music loud--res no doubt-- (i had a lil juice left in tha battery), i decided to ask tha parkin attendant what his name was. i mean shit, he's been workin there tha last couple years and he's always groovin to tha reggae i play when i roll thru (he lets me out for free too--yay)....we should know each otha's names. he's reggie. i'm jackie.

now where can i find some pliers?

craig david's joint is just eh.
if i had to rate it on a scale of 1-5
he'd get a 2.

maybe it'll grow on me.

lookin for an old highschool pic of myself, i found letters and notes from friends/crushes/old boyfriends. it was quite funny to b taken back to that time of my life. i have notes that spoke of luv, crushes, girlfriend troubles....hilarious shit i tell ya. but it made me wonda if any of them kept notes i had written them. i'm afraid of what my 15-17 yr old self said back then (i found a letter i neva mailed---i was horrified and relieved i didn't mail it).

i was an excellent note folder. foldin notes was an artform to me. i'm afraid to open up some notes now cuz i can't rememba how to fold them thangs back. lol. anyway, i had a lot of paper w/ colored ink, bubbley penmanship, i luv u's and peace outs (not tha word, but tha peace sign and then out)

so now i'm sittin here thinkin 'bout some of these brothas....my boyz back in tha day. lonzo, ben, robert (i thought d'angelo was him--they look alike), & steve. i hope they r well and lovin life. i wonda what they've been up to.

i wonda.

sittin back-res
i was an hour late for work this morn. overslept again. since miss j's been in my home, my bedtime's changed from 1130 to 1230 (sometimes 1). i can't keep doin this. her son's in town so of course i offered my couch. so u know i had to visit w/ him a lil bit.
:::
some asshole offended kkarma. i'm offended for her. we don't "know" each otha, but i have so much luv and respect for this sis. ppl can b so cruel. i got angry first thang this morn (i overslept 'memba). i had to tell her how i felt--u're beautiful--. fuck dude. fuck him. F-U-C-K him!

aight i'm goin to find some work to do and munch on these sweet peaches my daddy bought me.

res-----oh my god! where did this sis come from?

new music today...
res
craig david-->wit his cute self
slum village-->lost my tape

i don't know y tha fuck
i'm fuckin witchu--->i don't know-slum village, fantastic vol. 2

i'm sorta bummed out cuz i may have to buy anotha cd player for my car. it's not playin right (if at all). i gotsta have my tunes man! i may not (i hope not) have to get rid of it...just might require sumthin simple like a new battery. i'll look into it further.

want u right here in my world..bein with u all alone is like a dream come true--->climax (girl sh..), slum village, fantastic vol. 2

this just crossed my mind
me and a friend were talkin about one minute brothas yesterday. we were laughin @ tha stupid shit men say when they reach orgasmic bliss unexpectedly (is it really unexpected?). missy's one minute man reflects how we (and probably otha sistas) feel. break me off show me whatchu got cuz i don't need no one minute man----hell yea! aight, now i'm really cool in situations (most situations) like that. sometimes it can't b helped, but brothas brothas brothas pleez pleez pleez don't come @ me w/ some "u're pussy was just so good i couldn't help it" type shit. if u happen to come quick so be it. but don't have tha "that's all u get" type attitude and fall asleep (snorin loudlee no doubt). if u wanna keep ur nuts in tact...then u'll get urself ready for tha next round. u will b happier (& get to keep ur nuts) for it.

2 of my poems have been posted on mz jewlz' site.

yay! this week's posts have been returned to me.

rahsaan patterson has got to b one of tha most slept on singers that's out doin their thang right now. i 'memba seein him on BET's planet groove, doin his thang live and was like "oh shit, i gotta get this brotha's ceedee". i did and i've been in lub eva since.

i want more more more dammit!

my girl lady wisdom had her babygirl. i'm so happy/excited/overjoyed!!!! i was feelin for her bcuz she was a week overdue. mz chantel finally decided to bless us w/ her presence.

tha office is hot today.
all i can think 'bout is kickin off my new platforms and i diggin my toes into tha carpet.
my azz aint at home but i think i'll do it anyway...haha

i went home for lunch (bcuz my goofy self forgot my lunch) and discovered my phone had been cut off. i always forget to do things like....pay my bills. those kind of things aren't important to me. i know bills should b on tha top of my list, but they're not. rent, daycare, and car.note (ooh i just made tha last payment) r tha onlee bills i look out for. otha than those few, tha rest get forgotten 'bout (i will do betta tho'). so when i leave tha plantation, i will b headed to tha phone company. *sigh*.

i'm feenin for some open mic spots. even tho' i'm terrified to get up on stage, sometimes i just gotta get up there and share my thoughts/feelins (even if tha white folks aint really feelin me). i gotta find one.

i am blessed to have my sistafriend live w/ me durin this time. but i'm findin it hard to stick to my regular routine. we're always goin somewhere or doin sumthin. like...last nite i came home from work, stuffed my belly. we went to tha mall, rented some flicks, went to tha grocery store. came home it was like 830. we watched one movie (while i crocheted). when that was over it was 'round 1045 or so. then what do i do (instead of gettin ready for bed)? i decide to go thru all of my yarn bins to see what colors i have and how many unfinished projects i have to work on. oh and we watched fight club while i did this. i finally made it to bed 'round 1215...but decided to fray a pair of jeans i had bought at tha mall (so i actually went to bed 'round 1245). tonite, i will do betta. i need to use this time (my child is visitin her father) wisely...prepare for my trip, get my brain togetha.

i need to say this....i know a pill will not/cannot solve any problems i may have. i have tha power to solve my problems.

what’s betta (almost betta) than buyin a pair of steve madden shoes? findin a 4 pack of tumblers @ wal-mart for 88 cents

jeeyeah!

:::

kurtas r so damn comfy. i’m diggin these pants. my trip is 17 days away. there’s a natural mystic blowin thru tha air.

powerpuff girls rock!

:::

i got shoes! a pair of steve maddens to add to tha collection (we really need a store here) yippee skippee!!! that definitely lifted my spirits. they r hella comfy...black leather loafers w/ that new funky rubber sole. my feet will b happy while i walk down peachtree street.

i spent some time up in tha hills last nite (after a dreaded shoppin spree w/ my moms and her friends---they don’t know how to go home). one thing (tha onlee thing) i love about alaska is bein so close to nature. u’re completely surrounded by it. bein in tha hills though, calmed me. tha silence tha trees tha rain (it’s still rainin) it was so damn peaceful.

today is a bob marley kinda day...musically that is. natural mystic is playin and all i can think ‘bout is gettin my groove on in this cubicle.

yea buddy...lou rawls stylee! heehee.

it's been two damn days and i haven't blogged or been on a 'puter. it's ridiculous too cuz i was beginnin to have internet withdrawal. i realized friday (tha 13th) that my inner most issues have not been resolved and will not b if i don't dive in and do tha grunge work. i have been fightin depression for 5 yrs now. and tha funny thing 'bout depression is it sneaks up on u....u could b depressed and b totally unaware of it...guess that's called denial (awareness..bing-lauren from slam).

anyway, my friend/mentor/second moms is stayin w/ me for a while and we've been talkin. i was thinkin that i needed a good cry. well, i got it. i couldn't handle it anymore and so i broke down. i've been very stressed, tense, unable to think. my friend suggested i start usin kava kava to help me relax. i thought she was full of shit, but quickly started thinkin' bout it after i snapped on her (she was questionin me 'bout sumthin really simple). so after doin some readin and talkin to an herbalist, i decided to go for it. this blog of mine should b called tha kava trip or some shit like that cuz it's time to take care of bizness so i can move forward w/ my life, discover who this being is called butta.fly, and love me. i owe it to myself.

i'm in heaven...downloadin 8 poor righteous teacher tracks. it would b nice if i could hear them (coworker m is talkin very loudlee on tha phone...like she's at home and shit). *sigh*

btw---is dick cheney dead yet?

hi. my name is butta. i'm a capricorn.

i like:
long walks in tha park after dark, star gazin, western style denim shirts, cowrie shells, peppermint foot lotion, frank n myrrh incense/oil, astro pops, knee socks--->check out india's<---, argyle, yarn, breakfast in bed, retro 70's style, and tall chocolate brothas.

i dislike:
green peas, funky attitudes, men in cowboy boots, cloudy days, straight legged jeans, flat soled shoes, dry lips, and whiney ppl.

for ur info

i had a dream 'bout my first luv. he's been locked up for tha last couple of years...he's been on my mind a lot lately. so dreamin 'bout him was bound to happen. when we first met in tha 10th grade, we couldn't stand each otha..absolute hatred okay. but as tha years passed we ended up bein friends and it progressed to somethin bigger. i miss him and i hope he's okay.

oh, back to tha dream. i walked into tha dimond center (a mall here) and i see him and some otha ppl. they were all wearin those airborne jumpsuits (top gun type shit). we see each otha, walk up to each otha, greet each otha and hug. and as luck would have it, my alarm went off and my black azz woke up. i was not a happy camper. i would've like to have known what was goin to happen next...

i think if we actually ran across one anotha in tha mall/movies/club/street it'd b really awkward. we're different ppl now and even tho' i would like us to continue our friendship, i know things between us will neva b tha same.

my days @ work wouldn't b xtra cool w/o me listenin to my music, havin bob chillin on my wall, and me kickin my sandals off under my desk. today i'm rockin my new b/fly collar shirt w/ my khaki shorts. tha sun aint shinin, but i felt like showin some leg *hehe* . my locks r pulled back outta my face and i'm ready for this workday to begin.

tha bag is completely finished now. i sewed a cowrie shell flower on tha front. it's hella cute. i attempted to put a lining in it also, but failed. i think i'm goin to practice on some of my (own) bags first...that way i won't mess tha othas up (tha ones made for u tha customer). it's so hard bein an artist/creator i'm neva satisfied...my creations will neva b perfect. i should breathe. shit.

shug avery style
this is for a friend of mine cuz she scratched my head fo' me while i was ailin....*smile*

pray on it...tha next step will b made clear (i'm in tha process of doin this now). it's our year, 'memba?

okay erykah.b is singin in my dome now (she coulda been in tha color purple)...

my eyes r green
cuz i eat a lot of vegetables
it don't have nuttin
to do w/ ur new friend

u need ta pick yo afro daddy
bcuz it's flat on one side
u need ta pick yo afro daddy
bcuz it's flat on one side
if u don't pick ur afro
u gonna have one side high...

oh on and on and on and on...
:::

kickin ass and takin names...

okay i'm bored now. tha onlee thing i'm lookin forward to w/ this job is tha women's conference (7/24). i get to b downtown all day long learnin 'bout feng shui, controllin my emotions, and..gosh, i forget tha otha class....all of this to maintain a piece of mind in tha workplace. i figured it would help me w/ my own biz as well as personal life. it should b fun as well as interestin.

prince was comin to alaska?

damn.

i found:
a dress<---hotness as kwas would say
a denim shirt<---i've got a thang for denim shirts, especially tha western styled ones.
a buttafly collar shirt<---haven't seen one of these in a long while

my next stop will b tha fabric store...what will buttafly make next?

i got a lil mulah in my pocket and i feel like spendin it. thinkin 'bout hittin up a thrift store or two on my lunch break, see what goodies i can find. i should wait until i get to atlanta.....i'd find funkier wears @ lower prices, but i will b a hardhead and go anyway.

tha bag is finished. i was so tired. all i could do afterwards was sleep.

my shoulder/neck is still sore. i've been really tense for 'bout 2 weeks now, i feel like my shoulders r up 'round my ears. i gotta take betta care of myself. gotta stretch or sumthin. i can't live my life in pain. who can?

oh, i got an email from this brotha in l.a. said he typed "nappy @ tha roots" in a search engine and my mg page popped up. how freaky is that (i didn't think that could happen)? it was a very nice email...he wanted to know 'bout alaska and tha black community here. i may write him back.

happy day yall.

that sneeze did damage yall. i've hurt myself badly. i think i need a chiropractor. i won't go 'til after i smoke a joint tho', (i can neva relax when i go to those kinda places) let my mind run free amongst tha tulips and tha daisies cuz i can't help but think i'm goin to fall of tha table thingy while tha doc is crackin my back.

damn these allergies.

i will finish that bag tonite.

tha sun decided to go on vacation. i think our summer is officially over. damn. time to break out tha parkas and tha boots. i was really enjoyin tha unusually hot weather. all it does now is rain.

spread jah luv--jah cure

had one of my sneezin attacks and disaligned my neck. it was some powerful shit man. i can't help but think 'bout miranda (sex and tha city) lyin on her bathroom floor naked (she did tha same thang) unable to move--i'm not that bad tho'. it hurts.

kkarma is tha dopest girl in tha world
crystal has a way w/ words...shee-it

'memba that.

i watched 10 min. of road rules (sex and tha city & slamnation was on...a sis was workin her remote) and tha 10 min. i saw were disappointing. ellen is a jackass. straight up and down. how r u gonna go to anotha country showin lots of leg (knowin tha women in that country keep their bodies covered) and get mad when tha men stare @ ur body parts (and/or throw rocks). get a grip girl. pleez.

slamnation is always fun to watch. tha new york team is my fave. u got saul williams, jessica care moore, beau sia, & mums tha schemer. dope team i tell ya. saul is droppin knowledge as usual. one thing he said that had me rollin was (in a nutshell) "how u gonna give a 4 to truth?". he said this after mums did this piece 'bout truth...one of tha dumbazz judges gave him a 4. tha piece was dope and it was real (truth).

oops, got a meetin to go to...

payday is tomorrow and i can't wait. i've been runnin 'round like a mad woman tryin to get some cash in my pockets. i will finally b able to take rhyme & reason back to tha video store. i was too broke to take it back and probably owe 30 bucks. oh well.

tonite: season premiere of road rules
sex and tha city (i missed it again dammit)
and makin a bag (i will finish it...tomorrow).

um, that b me...yeah.

tha music i brought w/ me to work is unsatisfyin. i need sumthin groovy right now and i feel like i'm dyin w/o it.

at least tha sun decided to shine today.

we need a revolution

big del from tha natti needs to give rappin a rest (imo)...

tonite jaz will b headin to hotlanta. i made her and her kids matchin hats. i had some left over yarn, so i made her a drawstring backpack too...put some cowrie shells on tha strings, it was dope. her moms wants tha exact same thing...she wrote me a check. go butta go butta it's my birfday lol.

bored? check her links.

@ this moment i'm feelin....

i've had a headache for 3 days now. my child is workin that one nerve. and i wish i could figure out y i sometimes feel left out/out of place when i'm 'round certain folks. last nite, i went out and totally felt left out amongst my group. i hate myself for even speakin on it cuz it's so elementary school for me. so what does this mean? am i supposed to use this time to focus on self, regain my inner power, and rediscover love (of self) again?

this is really eatin me up inside. i'm a grown woman for god's sake. y am i feelin like i'm 8 yrs old sittin on my front porch cryin holdin my face in my hands cuz nobody wants to play with me? i'm sayin...i'm supadupafly. i'm talented, caring, funny, likes to have a good time...down to earth. so what's tha deal?

i got issues...*sigh*

BET or MTV
since i left work early yesterday, i gotta chance to catch up on some videos. i know that BET was bought by viacom, so is that y n'sync's video (pop) gets airplay on BET?

sisqo aint cute
craig david is (i neva paid attention b4) & that boy can sang (did ya peep tha acoustic performance [106 & park] of "fill me in"---skraight groovy i tell ya)

bilal's joint drops 07.31.01 *fingas crossed*

wouldn't an old skool video show would b buttas? special ed kmd xclan llcoolj 3rd bass snap kwame stetsasonic tribe called quest de la soul jungle brothas queen latifah monie love silk x leather (...tha list can go on and on) would play 24/7. a girl can dream i guess.

oh, i got to watch oprah too. tha show was 'bout livin ur life to tha fullest w/ no regrets. she had folks on her show that had made a to do list for their lives (ex. climb mt everest, sky dive naked, meet tha dalai lama) . u know, i can neva watch her show w/o cryin. she always has some story that is so inspiring. when it was over, i thought 'bout makin a list. there's a lot of things i would like to do/see/experience.

my body's shuttin down. i've sat in this chair for 2 hrs and now i'm stiff. this has neva happened b4. my butt may hurt, that's 'bout it. now i'm stiff. i guess that's my cue to get up and walk 'round a bit.

i was missed yesterday. *wipin tear* :o)

hater vs. hater <--- this is pure comedy.

:::

rant o' tha day
wtf is up w/ water retention aka bloatin durin a woman's cycle? am i tha onlee woman on this planet whose self esteem drops when this happens. i feel like a cow most of tha time. i can't wear my extra fly wears cuz i feel too effin big. this morn i put on my favorite denim skirt and i actually had room in tha waist. that's how it should b always. i'm learnin to appreciate my cycle, but it gets hard.

well, i'm headed home. my head's beginnin to hurt.

just read hiram's blog....i saw culture/freedom and now i can't help but think 'bout poor righteous teachers. will god smile upon me and bless me w/ a pure poverty ceedee?

i think i'm allergic to work.
i sneeze uncontrollably once i sit down in front of my 'puter.
i've gotten very sore and stiff too.....w'sup w/ that?

maybe my bed is callin.

tha rain is still fallin. my heart aches for a lil affection. i'm missin him....bed talk, daily outings, latenite jazz on tha radio *sigh*. aight girl, get yo' sef togetha...

my trip is quickly approachin and i'm excited. i still haven't made anything to sell, probably cuz i don't really feel like sellin anything. i just wanna enjoy myself while i'm outta tha ak. after this trip, i may move back to atlanta. maybe not. it just depends...

damn, kwasi had a lot to say today.

:::

i wonda if he is thinkin 'bout me @ this very moment. i miss him.

i really hate waitin on ppl. my fourth was spent waitin on jaz to come home so we could clean her apt. w/o tellin me, she decides to go tha church picnic and so i waited. i waited @ my house and then i waited @ anotha friend's house. after a while i decided not to go. so i chilled @ my friend's and watched pitch black (vin diesel is fuckin beautious). now i'm @ my parents' bloggin.

holidays don't seem to excite me anymore, so today is just a regular day. it's rainin anyway...tha fireworks (tha onlee thing i wanted to see) will probably b cancelled. so i'm goin to use my time enjoyin my space, my child, me.

i just found out i get to leave an hour early. that definitely made my day.
:::
tonite
crochetin/sewin
watchin rhyme & reason...again
:::
will i eva totally understand html/java script/and all otha tekkie stuff? i'm confused mz sophia style.

my heart is flutterin again. what is wrong w/ me?

i overslept this morn. what a way to start tha day. i wasn't in my usual hurry-hurry-hurry panic, i was calm (for tha most part) and my child was cooperatin, so i managed to b late by 30 minutes. i'm glad i'm off tomorrow.

i played w/ my sewin machine for a bit. put a lining in one of my bags. it was pure hell i tell ya. jaz had shown me tha basics, but u know my azz forgot. after an hour of rethreadin tha needle, refillin tha bobbin, and makin adjustments to tha fabric i finally got it and u know what, it looks pretty damn good.

practice makes perfect...i need a lot of practice.

feelin a lil betta
mickey d's fucked up my order tho'. at least i got chicken (got a sammich instead of nuggets--they don't use real chicken do they?) instead of beef. i haven't eaten mcdonald's in a very long while. i know their fries r cooked w/ beef tallow, so y tha fuck am i eatin them? tha tomato on my sammich tastes like onion--not a good sign. so i'm goin to settle for my buttafinga mcflurry and chill out for tha rest of tha day.

spent my lunch break w/ jaz. we chit chatted while i worked on her hat. didn't finish it like i had hoped (i ran outta yarn). damn, i shoulda took a picture of tha lil scullie i made for her baby-to-come. i guess i can do that lata. anywayz, i'm in tha zone and when i'm in tha zone i become a crochetin machine.

mz roc has done wonders w/ my site. i'm filled w/ joy. if she onlee could see tha big cheeseburger grin that's on my face right now. gotta make time to add my words and pictures.

once i return from atlanta, i will b workin hard to get my 'puter and all tha great toys that goes w/ it.

that sinkin feelin has returned to my stomach.
rent is due and after i pay it i'll have no money for tha rest of tha week.

fuck.

anybody need a hat?

i missed sex and tha city last nite. i know i shouldn't trip cuz it'll b on e'ryday this week. will aiden and carrie get back togetha? i hope so. i also missed a stranger inside (medusa's in this flick) cuz i was busy watchin brooklyn babylon.

lord, pleez stop me from sneezin b4 i dislocate a rib or sumthin.

i was not supposed to come back to work and find a shitload of work waitin for me......meanies! *gasface goes here* lol lemme stop buggin.
watched brooklyn babylon last nite. it was okay. it wasn't absolutely booty like i've heard. i think a lot more could've been done w/ it...a lot of stuff was left out to me.

like:
after sol kicked judah's hiney what came next? he and sara hug and then he's on stage rockin a huge crowd and then she's walkin down tha street w/ a child?
did tha war end between tha blacks and tha jews?
how did sara's folks feel 'bout their daughter bein w/ a black man?

these r some questions that were left in my mind after tha flick was over w/. it left me wantin more so now that i think 'bout it, tha flick was booty.

my mama's a crazy woman. she walks 5-6 miles a day and expects me, her daughter, to walk just as many. um, newsflash...jackie don't walk. i decided tae bo wasn't exactly for me anymore. all that jumpin and shit wasn't doin anything but hurtin my joints (i was doin it correctly). anyway, i thought i'd get back into walkin...we walked 2 miles and my moms was like this is a warm up for me, let's walk some more. by then, my toes were on fire and my legs had been ate up by mosquitoes. i was ret ta go. so i ended up droppin her off on a street and she walked home.

now i'm here at tha jobby job, starin @ this 'puter screen, listenin to mz india, doin my best to avoid work this early in tha morn.

i'm a dork, i know. i'm perfectly happy w/ bein one too. :oP

check out kkarmalicious' page...she may not update it for another 2 months. *smile*

feelin @ peace w/ my self and my surroundings.
how come e'ryday can't feel this way.
i guess it can, but i won't allow it to.

that's bugged out. i wanna b happy. i really do. i am tha master of my fate/destiny/life.

anywayz, tha day is beautiful.
:::30 days 'til i reach atlanta:::